United 93

I wasn't going to see this film. It wasn't because of the subject matter exactly, only remotely. Anyone who knows me, knows I hate to fly. Sometimes I get so anxious that it almost paralyzes me. Sometimes I pop a couple Xanax. My main issue with going to see this film was that it concerned four forced plane crashes. So, after my volleyball game Saturday, I decided just to go see what was playing since it was gray and rainy outside. When I arrived at the cinema, the only film that was about to begin was United 93.

The film itself was very well portrayed and my hats off to all those involved including actual individuals involved on the day in question. There were actual military and FAA personel in the film portraying themselves as they acted on 9/11. The film's main focus was a fictionalized account of what may have happened on United flight 93 that day and was built out of the collected phone conversations made to family and friends from the plane before it went down. According to the film, the passengers never intended to just crash the plane but had hoped to regain control of it and land. Unfortunately, the complete mayhem that ensued whilst they were fighting back against the highjackers is (in this fictionalized account) what caused the plane to crash.

Watching this, seeing the desperation and fear of the passengers, was so intense that now, at midnight, I can't sleep because of the sound of planes going by overhead. It's like being freaked out after a horror film and every little sound gives you the creeps. Of course, I also asked a couple of friends if I could come out to visit this summer and fall. That is, fly out. I have flown since 9/11 but after seeing this film I feel as freaked out about it as I did right after 9/11. The question is, would I recommend this film to anyone else. Definitely. Just be prepared. And if you're not ready, if it's too soon for you, don't go. It's film, it'll wait.

Other People's Lives

It's Easter Sunday morning, early, and I've just rolled out of bed with thoughts of other people's lives on my mind. I was thinking about my friend Christina who was confirmed as a Catholic last night at Holy Name Cathedral. It was quite an affair because it was coupled with the Easter vigil service. The whole Mass took four hours. Gods, I thought, make us do the craziest things. Also, Christina's daughter, Lucy, was baptized as a Catholic. They both had their first communion and it was very special for them. For myself, I felt very cynical about all of it. I sat in a reserved pew just for friends and family of the new converts and I stared at the ornate ceiling and rolled my eyes as the offering baskets went around. Does the Catholic Church really need any more money? That's what was on my mind. I also couldn't help but pity one of the priests who gave the sermon (oops, that's a Protestant term ... homily) and he gave it like a freshman essay. "Three points," he said. "I'm going to cover three points on why [G]od is love." He went on to lay out a very shaky foundation based soley on a Catholic perspective on why [G]od is love and how human beings reject that love because we are sinful. "[G]od," he said, "doesn't need man but made man because he ..."(A little aside here, what's with the gender id on gods?) "... desired someone to love and he loved us into existence." Now, isn't desire very much like need? This priest, the other Catholics, my friend, and her daughter all seemed so moved by it all last night, but, for me, it all fell on deaf ears. It's their lives, I thought.

My life has been about learning and experiencing. And through the life I've led, I can't possibly, in good conscience, lead a religious life. I wasn't even able to take to Paganism. However, the idea of a sense of spirituality does make sense. There is an aspect of being human that is also spiritual. There are those aspects of ourselves that are beyond explanation or outside the strict boundaries of science. Sometimes I feel in touch with the entire universe, while other times I'm so drawn in that I'm only aware of myself. When I die, when this body putters out, will that be it? A blackout? I don't tend to think so, because I believe in those things outside the realms of science and, perhaps, outside the realms of any religion. Religion was created to deal with death, not with life. It was created to give people something to look forward to and something to keep themselves occupied so that their minds weren't dwelling on the inevitable. However, why do I suspect that there's something more than this life? Honestly, it's inexplicable. Although, I do know that no religion can tell me why I believe it or should. In a world of labels, what am I now? Agnostic? Diest? Just spiritual, I guess.