"Changes are a Comin'"

I've been thinking about what to do with this life of mine once I complete my master's. This has been on my mind, really, since before I began the program. I've been in a bit of a rut for awhile and have been craving a change in venue. Venue, of course, encompassing everything like work, where I live, what I do even. I've become a bit bored by life and I've been trying to make it a little more interesting by traveling more this year. I've gone out to California, down to Florida, up to Boston, and across the water to Germany. However, I'm hardly satisfied. If anything, I just want more. So recently I had begun looking into teaching english overseas. I had never considered this option before, mostly because I don't really have any desire to be a teacher. However, once I discovered some of the benefits, such as free housing and decent salaries, I've been taking a closer look at the possibilities. Also, these situations are contractual which means it wouldn't be forever unless I wanted it to be. At any rate, it looks like South Korea is the place to go. English is taught in other countries too, but South Korea pays more and treats their teachers better than anywhere else. What's more, is I've always been interested in Asian cultures and living there would place me practically in the center of Asia. Nothing is definite yet, but I have hooked up with an agency who seems pretty confident they can find me a post.

In the mean time, I'm also trying to downsize my belongings. Big time! Whether I go to Korea or elsewhere, I don't want to have to worry about storing a bunch of stuff. I spent last weekend sorting all my books, cds, dvds, and even some vinyl into various boxes that I'll take to the bookstores and record shops that sometimes (hopefully) buy these things. I think I have a pretty decent collection but will take what I can get. Of course, anything that doesn't sale that way will be sold later this summer when I have an apartment sale. Then, anything still hanging around will have to go to charity. Oh, this includes my car, so if you know of anyone in need of reliable transport, I have a cool old Volvo.

Enough said for now. This will be a summer long project. I won't actually complete my master's thesis until mid July and I don't expect to be going anywhere until mid August.

Ciao!

"Gutentag!"

I guess I haven't written a thing here in weeks! It's been been a bit of a whirlwind of late. I recently completed course requirements for a master's degree and that took up all my time through the beginning of May. Then I went to Germany for a week and now here I am back in the grind. It's annoying how things don't really change much unless we make them so. For instance, going on vacation or quitting a job. Going back to school or claiming bankruptcy. In every instance, it's something we initiate ourselves. Rarely does life seem to initiate change of it's own accord. Right now, I need a change.

My week in Europe was fantastic! I saw four cities with time to spare. I stayed mostly in Koln with friends but ventured out to Bonn, Dusseldorf, and Frankfurt as well as some smaller medieval cities. We also toured the wine growing region near Bonn and went hiking in the countryside.

My biggest surprise about the culture over there was the oddest thing. Their automobile industry. They have all these wonderful small cars I've never heard of and that are great on gas. These aren't hybrids, they're just good fuel efficient vehicles. They have cars that are so small they can park between two other cars. I also had the opportunity to drive on the autobahn at 200 mph. HA! That was a riot but there were some people going faster than I was. Also, my friends have this car with a GPS system that actually tells you how to get to places. I could use one of those here.

The city of Koln (Cologne) reminded me a lot of Boston. It's built on the foundations of a medieval city with some of the old city walls still standing. It's very walkable and the streets are quite narrow. Lots of cobblestone streets and lots of charm. It's a very cultural city with many museums and galleries. Plenty of nightlife though jazz venues are a bit hard to find. Another curious aspect are the public baths, which are like spas essentially except for the fact that everyone is nude. You would think it would be very strange to see your friend naked for the first time but my friend, Heather, and I went to the baths and it was very natural. I guess because everyone else was nude too.

Koln and all of Germany still have the independent coffee houses that we've largely lost in the US due to the corporate domination of places like Starbucks. Starbucks were there but only a few and not well attended. Frankly, the coffee experience at the independents is more interesting because of the diverse clientele and the quality of product that is pretty decent all around. Also, the prices were generally much cheaper than at Starbucks.

I saw an incredible outsider art exhibit at the Kunst de Palast in Dusseldorf. I had seen similar shows in Chicago but this one was unique because all of the artists represented were Europeans and many were ones I'd never heard of before. I also saw a cool exhibit on Buddhas from all over East Asia and a museum totally dedicated to chocolate. Yes, there's a chocolate museum in Koln! It's a little like being in Willy Wonka though not so quirky. No Umpa Loompas or anything but you see the whole chocolate making process from the cocoa bean to the finished product. And, of course, there are samples along the way. At the end is a fantastic shop with chocolate from all over the world.

I took a short cruise along the Rhine one afternoon and saw a lot of river cruise boats where you can actually cruise to different cities and countries while staying on the boats. You know, like ocean cruising but on the river and smaller boats. I might have to try that.

My flights both ways were fun and I flew on Air India. Fun airline that serves great, exotic food. Although, on my return the plane was commandeered by the Prime Minister and my flight got delayed a day. This worked out just fine because the airline put us all up in a 4 star hotel outside of Frankfurt, fed us, gave us drinks, and I got to see Frankfurt which otherwise wouldn't have been on the itenerary. We also got our own 747 the next day which meant about 2-3 seats for every passenger.

Returning was a little wierd. I left Frankfurt around 10am and got into Chicago about 11am. That was a long day! I'm still tired and in desperate need of a change. I think I'm going to put in my notice today and join a temp firm.

Come back for pictures in a few days!!

"The Artist Adversarial Instinct"

"Avant-gardes are by nature combative," Harold Rosenberg wrote. The uneasy relation between artists and society is sometimes replicated in the relationship between artists and their audience. The objective may be to shock the establishment, to shame it, to express outrage, or simply to exempt oneself from its strictures. By such measures, it may be argued, the avant-garde artist keeps the conscience of the time.

Lehman, David._The Last Avant-Garde: The Making of the New York
School of Poets_. New York: Anchor, 1999.

"Live Reading"

Hi Everyone!

I'll be the featured reader at an upcoming MFA Reading at Roosevelt University. It's next Tursday, April 21st at 5pm. I specifically requested a time that I was sure none of my friends could make due to work schedules. Okay, seriously, this is the kind of scheduling that can only happen in a university where it's thought that people don't have lives outside of academia. However, if you happen to be there, it'll take place in the Old Faculty Lounge on the second floor of the Chicago campus. I'll be reading a selection of my most recent poems and perhaps a little creative nonfiction. I'm almost finished with this goddamn degree! Thank the gods! I hate writing!

"I'm so BORED!"

I was awakened by the alarm this morning. That almost never happens to me unless I haven't gotten enough sleep or . . . well, there really isn't any other reason. But, the fact is, I did get enough sleep. I think I was just unconsciously reticient about going to work today. I'm so bored with my job, my MFA studies, and life in Chicago in general. I had a pleasant enough weekend. Did the usual things (worked out, saw friends, etc.) but it's the mediocrity of it all that makes life seems so dull. Truth is, I don't even feel like writing this entry right now but at the same time, I feel like I have an obligation to keep it up. Just like I have an obligation to go to work and to keep up with my studies and to keep livin life until it feels worth it again. Don't worry! This isn't the woe of a severly depressed person. Or, maybe it is but don't worry too much about me nonetheless. If I can just get through to May, I'll be getting out of here for a week and completing my final semester at the same time. Can't wait! HURRY!

"A Cold, A Couple Movies, and My Name in Print

I hate fast weekends! This past one went by so fast that it seems as though it never happened at all! It didn't help that my current employer doesn't regard Good Friday as a holiday or that I've been battling a bitch of a cold that just makes me want to sleep all the time. So, I haven't done much at all since returning from Boston a week ago. However, I did catch a couple of new flicks: The Upside of Anger and Melinda & Melinda. Both are worth seeing. Lately, I'm really into the human drama and both of these films delivers on that score. Joan Allen is quickly becoming one of my fav actresses since first seeing her in The Ice Storm. Costner is very believable as a down and out former baseball star and the supporting cast, though not as interesting, all do a good job with the small part of the story that they participate in. I believe Evan Rachel Wood is going to be someone to watch over the coming years. I think I first saw her in the film Practical Magic. Then she showed up in the TV series Once and Again. Since then she has done a number of good film roles including Thirteen and The Missing. As far as M&M, Woody can't really go wrong for me. I know he has garnered alot of criticism for his overly narcissistic films but within his greater body of work, I don't think anyone can argue his validity as a film maker or his pastiche for dramedy story telling. M&M isn't entirely new in its format. It reminds me of Sliding Doors and The Double Life of Veronique but it's still a fascinating way to explore a story from two varying viewpoints.

Also, this week, an article I wrote a few weeks ago for the community paper Rogers Park 2000 came out. The paper is a free quarterly and can be found at many Rogers Park establishments like The Heartland, library, and the Alderman's Office. I was asked to do a story of the growing involvement of two area SSA (Special Service Areas) concerning the Howard Street area and the Morse Street area. I hadn't done much journalistic type writing before but found the experience to be fairly rewarding. I say "fairly" because I'm happy with the end result (full page article) but the process about stressed me out.

"Boston, Mass 02134"

I just returned from a fantastic week in Boston. This has to be the most unusual way I've ever spent a spring break period or chose to take a vacation because of the time of year. See, I hate the cold. However, in this situation, it was mostly a timing thing. I had the time off and my contact in Boston may or may not still be there in the next six months. At any rate, the weather ended up not being a factor except for my arrival. After that, it was sunny and predominantly comfortable for the time of year. Talk about a place draped in history! Everywhere you turn there's something historic to see and experience. I don't think I've ever been in a city where most of the buildings don't exceed 3 or 4 stories. Granted, there are pockets of skyscrapers downtown and in Copley Square but most of the city still holds it's historic architectural roots. I spent two nights in the Back Bay area and five nights in Dorchester, which is this beautiful area of old victorian homes that are being renovated and the area is going through a huge revitalization. I found the city very easy to navigate on foot and on the MBTA, aka T, city transit system. Although by car it can be a nightmare. It's all one-way streets and constantly changing road construction routes. The day I was driven to the airport, my friend Nat said the road had changed since the last time she had made the same trip only a week prior. Did I mention the food?! Mmmmmmm! I ate so much good stuff from seafood (of course) to yummy pastries and a surprising mix of ethnic varieties. I'm sure I didn't see it all but I saw a lot. I went as far out of Boston as Salem and covered the city from the wharf to the far South End. I walked the Freedom Trail, well parts. I kept loosing it because the trail markers are fading and in some places completely absent but all the destinations are pretty clear. I went to Harvard U, well the square anyway, and found it very similar to Evanston. Actually, Davis Square is much more interesting and can be found just north of Harvard Square. On my last night, I even caught some theatre with "A T Stop Named Denile." Can you guess what play that's based on? I owe most of this vacation to the following people for whom I THANK YOU for making it GREAT! JENNIE, NATALIE, NEAL (whose seafood beats that of Legal Seafood), RAY, the denizens of ** Tremlett Street, and assorted others I met.

**Pics to follow in a few days!

"Nightmares"

I had two consecutive nightmares Sunday night. Both were strangely similar and both woke me up. I had gone to bed extrememly early Sunday evening feeling depressed for no apparent reason but that's how depression falls. It's like a change in the weather, a drifting fog that silently floats in from offshore and settles into your life for awhile. The uninvited guest. Anyway, rather than fight the debilitating effects, I decided to sleep it off. I suppose it manifested itself in dreams.

In the first nightmare, I was alone in an apartment. My apartment, in the dream. It was a studio on the second floor and looked out on a quiet street. Across the street was a highschool. It was late afternoon and I was sitting near the window at a small table daydreaming when I heard the sound of a helicopter. I looked out and saw a black chopper hovering over the front lawn of the highschool. Hanging beneath the chopper was a man in some kind of police or military uniform. He wore a badge and he had a rifle. He was lowered to the ground and then the chopper flew away. It became very quiet and I watched the man come across the street toward my building. He seemed to be looking for something and I felt very uneasy. He squinted in the late afternoon sun and scanned along the first story of my building. He seemed to smile at someone on the first floor and then he scanned up along the second floor. I instintively drew back from the window but saw him scrutinize my windows. Then he disappeared from my view as he walked to the building's entrance. There was a sudden shift in time and I was awakened from a sound sleep in the middle of the night. This is still in the dream. I guess nothing further had happened since seeing the man earlier and I had fallen asleep on the bed. When I awoke, I thought I had heard a loud banging noise as if something had hit my front door very hard. I remember looking toward the window and seeing the faint glow of night reflected back. The room was very dark and there was only little bits of light glinting here and there off various surfaces. I got up and turned toward the front door where I could see a stream of light coming through the peep hole from the hallway. The door seemed undisturbed and the room was very quiet. I walked sleepily over to the door and looked caustiously through the peep hole thinking something was going to suddenly appear on the other side scaring me to death but nothing did. I just felt extremely uneasy and awoke "for real" then.

I was able to go back to sleep almost immediately but soon found myself awakened again. This time I was in an apartment similar to the one I really live in except the livingroom was where my kitchen is. I awoke because I heard the sound of the television on. It wasn't loud but just loud enough to disturb my sleep as if a roommate had stayed up late watching it. However, since I live alone I thought this was very odd and went to investigate. I walked slowly down the hallway and was able to perceive the grayish light of the TV as I got closer to the livingroom. I had to round two corners before reaching the livingroom and passed the bathroom just prior. It was in the darkness of the bathroom that I received my fright. Someone was standing in the darkness looking back at me. All I could see was their white t-shirt. I just stood there stunned and then they suddenly ran passed me back toward the bedroom. Once again, I awoke "for real" but this time I wanted to yell out. I had to sit there for a few minutes staring at the ceiling while my heart slowed down its frantic beat. I became aware of the wind blowing against the windows in the livingroom making them shake every so often. I eventually got up for some water and a walk around the apartment. Everything seemed kosher and I went back to bed again. It was 1:30am.

Monday morning, all the way to work, I kept repeating to myself "force happiness!"