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Redo View 2

Apartment Redo View 1

Don't Think, Just Be

Lately I've been deeply disturbed by the world we live in today. I suppose I was already deeply disturbed by the world before too, but recently its been more on my mind. The presidential election, the ongoing occupation of Iraq, the economy, work (and lack of), family, friends, etc. have all been weighing heavily on my conscious and, at times, fighting off depression. So, what's a sensitive type to do? Take Prozac? No thanks! Actually, I've taken up meditation. I've been experimenting with mandala meditations. In this type of meditation you use an image (there are hundreds of mandalas from the very ancient to more contemporary) and simply allow your eyes to focus on it without thinking about it in any way. It's almost like being lost in a stare. This is open eye meditation which helps keep you awake but still allows you to enter an alpha state (the brain slows) and, well I anyway, feel somehow calmer about everything after.

Secret Life of Nature

I recently completed reading The Secret Life of Nature by Peter Tompkins. It has to be one of the most influential books I've ever read regarding the nature of man and the universe. Its precepts will be hard to swallow for many but for those with an open mind and a belief that there is much more to the universe than what current science would have us believe, it will resonate like few other scientific and esoteric works can. Tompkins writes in the epilogue that "[t]here is little or no scientific knowledge about either the universe or humanity as far as origin, purpose, goal, and mutual relationship is concerned. From acceptable scientific sources, humans have no idea why the universe exists with all its contents, where it came from, who created it, whither it is tending, and whether it is guided or just continues in a haphazard way... A right attitude toward science ... will recognize that its knowledge is illusion (Tompkins, Peter). He goes on to quote Geoffrey Hodson who said "[m]ore knowledge, more wisdom, and more truth are to be found in genuinely old myths, fairy tales and legends than in the abstract erudition and science of the present day."

I took a trip …

It started with a sugar cube and nearly twenty minutes later I was on my way. Waves of euphoria and laughter washed over me like a constant rising of the tides. The walls, floors, and everything in between began to move, breathe, and pulsate with energy. I decided to go out on my bike and see what the world had to show me. I rode fast and free down my city streets and through familiar places while seeing everything as if for the first time. Sounds were extraordinary and coming from elements I would not normally have been aware of like passing conversations from people on the street, a slip of music from someone’s car or window, crickets, the wind. I rode down to the river and to the top of the Eau Gallie causeway where I was delightfully assaulted by a swarm of swerving sparrows flying under the bridge. Their calls took my breath away and their dashing and darting mesmerized me. The lights of the city, on the water, and in the sky were overwhelming. I stood entranced and wondered what people driving past thought I was up to or seeing. I saw an abandoned bike on the causeway and feared someone who had been hit left it. It disturbed me so much that instead of continuing to the ocean, I turned back toward home. Zooming down the causeway like the first drop on a roller coaster felt as if I might take off at any moment. The ground and the air around it all seemed to bleed into a collage of colors and altered forms. I could see the faeries everywhere. Their gnarled forms lurking out of the trees and bushes, absorbed in the shadows, but released in my heightened sight. I rode back toward home but lost my way. The familiar became foreign and direction lost its meaning. I wasn’t afraid. I just kept going. I stopped to text my friend Joe about the experience and was temporarily hypnotized by the lights coming from my cell phone. I had to resist the impulse to ride my bike carelessly through the streets heedless to traffic. Somehow, I returned to my own neighborhood but still couldn’t find my own apartment. The street names were familiar but I still couldn’t make out directions. Eventually I found my way and went in for some much needed water and food. I slowly came back through late night TV. It seemed cold and I crashed under covers and blankets.

Disturbing Dream

I had one of those very detailed and seemingly real kind of dreams. Following is an account of the dream as it unfolded.

I'm living in an unknown city, but it's something like a cross between Chicago and Boston. The weather is pleasant, so it must be late summer or early spring. I've just acquired the most amazing apartment in a doorman-type building. The apartment is bigger than anything I've ever had or seen. The rooms seem to go on and on and I feel as though there are areas in the apartment that I haven't seen yet. Also, the unit is furnished with the previous tenant's stuff but I'm really into their tastes, lots of unique and antique pieces mixed together. There are wood floors throughout, many windows with park views, and at least two balconies. It has separate living and dining rooms, more than one bedroom, and long, wide halls.

My niece, Heather, comes for a visit and after showing her around the place, we decide to take a nap. We curl up rather close, practically spooning, on my bed which sits by a window. She falls into a deep sleep but I'm restless and stare out the window for awhile. I notice it has become very warm and get up to check the thermostat. It's been raised to 73 and I assume my niece raised it, but I lower it to 70.

I begin to wonder around the apartment, marveling at the array of furniture and space. I can't believe I live there. Suddenly, I hear a noise coming from the back stairs and head toward the kitchen. A group of 10-15 girls are coming up the stairs and come in my back door. I recognize my former neighbors Jennie and Aim as well as friends of Jennie's like Marf, Tina, and Summer. They're surprised to see me there because they thought the unit was vacant. They've come to have a party and continue to do so even though it is now my apartment. They set up, lay out food and drinks, and put on music. They fall into various conversation groups around the apartment. I walk around wondering at their tenacity and make sure they don't damage anything. After awhile, they decide to leave but don't bother to clean up after themselves. I watch them go out the door and feel relieved once the quiet has returned.

I place a call to my friend Christina and leave a message apologizing for not keeping in touch better. After I hang up, I begin to wonder around again and it dawns on me that I have no idea what the rent is, nor did I pay any security or first months rent. What's more, I'm not even sure I can afford the place.

Good Looking, Dirty, Boston Shoes