"Buy Blue Buy Blue Buy Blue Buy Blue"

Blue voters now urged to buy blue

By Jennifer Skalka
Tribune staff reporter
Published December 14, 2004

For despondent Democrats there's a new treatment, if not a cure, for their lingering Election Day blues. Think retail therapy.

A Web site called Choose the Blue is offering shopping advice this holiday season, providing information about which companies' employees give to Democrats and which prefer Republicans.

Costco workers gave more to Democrats, for example, while Wal-Mart's preferred Republicans, according to campaign finance records. Donna Karan's people lean left. Fruit of the Loom's give to the right.

For Ann and Bill Duvall, the site's creators, Nov. 3 brought great disappointment--and a call to action.

"We woke up that morning just really devastated and depressed, and in some ways I'm grateful that we came up with this idea because that's where we've been able to put our energy," Ann Duvall, 56, said.

So Choose the Blue is self-help meets activism meets consumerism. Its goal is to shift vast amounts of wealth to people who support the Democrats' cause.

Using information from the Federal Election Commission Web site and the Center for Responsive Politics site, www.opensecrets.org, the Duvalls give their fellow Democrats a gift that could keep on giving.

"If each American who voted for John Kerry spends $100 in 2005 on a blue company instead of a red company, we can move $5 billion away from Republican companies and add $5 billion to the income of companies who donate to Democrats," they say on the site.

In the few weeks since the Duvalls launched the site, it has gained growing notice in the blogosphere. Blogs with names like Angryfinger point to it for inspiration. The Duvalls have heard that their effort was mentioned on Air America, the liberal radio station.

Within days of the election, the Duvalls asked 10 of their friends to review their Web site and tell them what worked and what didn't. Whether the friends spread the word or bloggers stumbled upon the unpublicized Choose the Blue site is unclear. But shortly thereafter the Duvalls, who split their time between Silicon Valley and Idaho, started getting e-mails from strangers thanking them for their work.

At its peak, the site received more than 300,000 hits in one day, said Ann Duvall, a mother of three and grandmother of four. Typically between 100,000 and 200,000 sets of eyes peruse it daily.

"This is not a boycott," said Bill Duvall, a software creator who was involved in the transmission of the first e-mail message 35 years ago. "... It's just that we believe it's possible to direct some of your spending so we can begin to at least even the playing field."

Choose the Blue breaks down its information into categories such as automotive, consumer electronics, retail shopping and fashion, and sports. The site's tallies also include gifts from companies to political action committees. The figures for the companies and their employees show the total percentages and dollar amounts given to Republican and Democratic candidates or causes.

Choose the Blue is joined in cyberland by Buy Blue, a site with a similar mission. Its mantra is: "In today's America there's a more powerful act than voting blue, and that's buying blue." It also urges people to have a "blue Christmas" and says: "Find out which businesses have been naughty and which have been nice. Shop accordingly!"

Though experts applaud the initiative taken by creators of these sites, they aren't sure their strategy is sound. After all, Republicans too can take advantage of the information they're providing.

"The question that remains then is which side does a better job of spreading the word to those who are most likely to act on it," said Eszter Hargittai, an assistant professor of sociology at Northwestern University and a faculty fellow in the Institute for Policy Research.

Richard Feinberg of Purdue University said most people don't make their shopping decisions based on personal ideology. They look for the best bargains or the most convenient stores.

"The handful of people that it might influence are already boycotting or not spending money on businesses that they think go against their political grain," said Feinberg, director of the school's Center for Customer Driven Quality. "It's not going to change a neutral person."

Although innovative and purposeful, Choose the Blue illustrates something perhaps unintended about some of the people who voted for Sens. Kerry and John Edwards. As exhausting and frustrating as the loss was for them, they're not done fighting.

Curtis Gans, director of the Committee for the Study of the American Electorate, a Washington, D.C., non-profit, said Choose the Blue is ultimately a sign of that discontent. Gans said the Democrats' future success, however, would not depend on the power of smaller movements. He said the party must re-evaluate its purpose, and with temperatures still high after a close election, raising money won't be its main challenge.

"I think the important thing is for the Democrats to define who they are and to develop a grass-roots organization that isn't dependent on other groups," Gans said.

Still, the power and reach of the blogosphere--the vast universe of Web logs viewed by countless people--is evident in the growing popularity of the Duvalls' site. Already, the couple has been threatened with legal action by one company, which the Duvalls declined to name, that was unhappy with its mention on the site.

Bill Duvall, 59, said the blogosphere promotes the very essence of democracy by giving people a voice who wouldn't normally have one. It provided him and his wife--who are now semiretired--with a prime outlet for their post-election political expression.

Copyright © 2004, Chicago Tribune

"3am or 4am or 5am"

Lately, the strangest thing has been happening with my alarm clock. Okay, it's not really an alarm clock per se. It's actually an old cell phone with an alarm clock capability. I know, how truely pathetic, or certainly odd, that I use an old cell phone as my alarm clock instead of just getting a "real" alarm clock. Well, I have issues (Ha!). I looked for a long time for a real alarm clock I could live with. You see, I hate those digital ones because the light from the LED displays keeps me awake. And, almost anything that isn't digital tends to tick. That ticking drives me crazy, no rest. I eventually found this beautiful crystal clock in a thrift store for a meager amount of cash and bought it before I realized it wasn't an alarm clock at all. For awhile, I was using the alarm clock in my microwave but since that is all the way in the kitchen, I feared not really hearing it. Although, the truth is, I almost always wake up before the alarm clock goes off. Of course, that doesn't mean I want to get up. Also, my "actual" cell phone actualy doesn't have an alarm feature. Life is way too complicated, or I just make it so. So, the strange thing that's been happening lately (no, it isn't everything I've already mentioned) is that the alarm has been going off at 6am, which is when it's set for, but not the "real" 6am. See, quite a few times lately I've been woken by the alarm and the cell phone clock reads 6am while the alarm is sounding but, then, I hit STOP and the clock reads 3am or 4am or 5am. Is that not odd? How could the cell phone's regular clock be correct but the alarm clock be off? Yes, I suppose I should get a "real" alarm clock and be done with it. Maybe I should get one of those fold-up travel clocks that are LED but the screen isn't lighted. Of course, ideally, it would be better if I didn't have to go somewhere else to work. You know, work at home and get up at my leisure. Ah dreams! Oh shit, my boss is giving me the evil eye. Back to "real" work.

"Sources Who've Said It Better Than I"

Last evening, I was out with my friend Charlotte and I was talking about my recent postings on this site regarding homosexuality and the Bible. I was telling her how I often take on subjects both here and in school (grad school) that on the outset are very interesting but once I begin doing the work, turn out to be extremely time consuming. Unfortunately, time is something I have in short supply these days. So, I've decided to give you some resources that I have found in my research who pretty much have this issue covered. However, it's true that they do not cover it in the way I set out to do. Meaning, the issue is covered in taking apart the typical scriptures in the Bible that have been used (abusively) against the community in suppot of the Fundamentalist Christian's view that homosexuality is somehow ungodly. If you are truely interested in this subject and want to be able to talk about it effectively, then I would urge you to look at these sources. As you know, if you've been keeping up with my own exploration in this, I had proposed to look at it through Christ's own words and actions. This, as far as I know, has not been done previously. I think this is an area I'd like to look at more closely down the road but right now I'm way too swamped with thesis work and the daily grind.

Homosexuality and the Bible debunked:

1. The Truth(my title) by Miss Poppy Dixon
2. Meaning and Consequences from The Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry
3. What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality by Daniel A. Helminiak. Alamo Square Press ISBN#0-9624751-9-X

"Tryptophan Blues"

Ah, Thanksgiving. Usually, I feel fairly relaxed after the four-day weekend. However, when two of those days are spent long-distance driving in a car that hurts your back just after an hour into the drive, then your left with just the minimal two day weekend to relax and that is never enough. My Thanksgiving began with two inches of snow plopped upon my car and the doors were frozen shut! I've never had to deal with that before. The last time I had a car, I had a garage to put it in. I'm beginning to wonder how I'm going to deal with this new issue this winter. Any ideas? I guess I'll need one of those key-chain de-icers and an electric starter. Gods, I hate this climate!

Down in the right-wing conservative Christian Republican South, where I spent turkey day, the living is very slow like a so-cal beach town. Okay, probably not quite like that but maybe like a Faulkner novel. Yeah, that's actually pretty close. Anyway, we had sixty or so folks and a spread of food like you've never seen, even on a Vegas buffet! Three turkeys, two hams, and entire crock-pots filled with just one side dish like mashed potatoes, greens, beans, mac and cheese, dumplings, gravy, and corn. The sweet potato caserole was good enough to have for dessert but as far as southerners are concerned it's just a side dish. The sweets table, yes table, had so many pies and cakes that some weren't even touched. And, of course, there were drinks everywhere. An ice bucket in every corner with cokes (we call every kind of soda coke whether it is or not) and pitchers of sweetend ice-tea.

The festivities took place way out in the hills of Tennessee in a wee little town called Pleasant Shade. Kids ran about everywhere but, thankfully, had two rooms sequestered off for themselves upstairs. The adults were basically broken up into two groups. Most of the older women stayed together and chatted (gossiped) about anything and everything/one. While the guys crowded around the TV watching the TN vs. KY game. And what a game it was! TN came back to win in the final 20 seconds. The guys about brought the roof down with their hollerin.

It seems to me that if we close up shop for two days, plus the weekend, every Thanksgiving that we might as well close up for the week. I don't know about you but my work ethic had already gone on vacation last Monday morning. Now, I'm just counting down the days until the Xmas break. 2 weeks away! I'm doing it right this year. One week in Florida and one in California. How will I ever come back?

"WWJD"

While I’ve been researching this topic, I’ve come across a few very good resources for anyone wanting to understand the complex issue of the Bible’s view on homosexuality. I say the Bible’s view because it very clearly differs from the many sects of Christians. I’ve also had to consider how I could proceed with this research without revisiting the same ground that has been previously covered by scholars better qualified than I. What most scholars have done in order to dispel the unfair interpretations of Biblical texts to attack homosexuals is visit each commonly used text and apply the historical-critical approach to discover the original meaning and intention of the scripture. I would say this method is fairly effective if you are a BIble scholar but that it misses if you aren’t. What I’d like to do is to take a close look at the words of Christ. After all, isn’t his life’s example the very basis of Christianity? I will look at what he said, what he taught, and how he lived his life (according to the scriptures). I don’t believe homosexuality ever comes up in his teaching but, more importantly, what did he teach about how Christians are to treat other people (ie, non-Christians)? What did he teach about how Christians are to behave in the world? Who is eligible to be a Christian? Who were Christ’s friends and associates? I believe if there are to be any lasting answers to this issue, they must be found through Christ’s words and not through other Biblical texts. To the true Christian, it doesn’t matter what is written in the old testament except as an historical record, because when Christ died for sin, he symbolically wiped the slate clean for all and created a new way to salvation that was not to be based upon laws. I believe Christ realized that as long as man (humankind) was involved in the picture, the picture would always be subject to corruption. I believe Christ also knew that not all laws applied to all equally. They never do. Whether one believes in Christ as the Son of God, or simply as an enlightened teacher, I think that when his life is looked at closely it’ll reveal a commonsensical approach to human behavior and interaction that respects the differences and celebrates the relations. I also realize this journey may take awhile. I may not be able to write a sequential number of posts on just this topic but I hope to present as much as I can, periodically, as I come across it. Bare with me.

"Literal vs. Historical-Critical Interpretation"

There are two main schools of thought when it comes to interpreting the texts of the Bible. The literal and the historical-critical. The literal approach attempts to interpret the texts just as they are without taking into account the various translations, or interpretations, that have shaped Biblical ideology throughout the centuries. This is the approach of the fundamentalist. The idea is that the text can be interpreted at any time throughout the ages because of the inerrancy and relevatory nature of the scriptures. Therefore, according to this method, it doesn't matter that the texts have been reinterpreted and translated because the essential meaning, or the intended, is retained. What is most interesting about this approach is that there isn't a seminary, theological school, or other academic institution that offers degrees in theology which endorses this approach because it is logically unsound. In no other aspect of contemporary society would one accept the surface meaning of a word from any language without looking at the various aspects that go into the creation and evolution of the word. This contradiction brings one to the other approach, and, consequently, the one used in all institutions of higher learning, which is the historical-critical approah. Under this method, one first looks at the original understanding of a word or phrase as it applies to its original use and the period in which it was used. Then, one must trace the evolution of the word, if, in fact, it is still in use in the contemporary period for which it is being applied. If it is, then one must find attributable evidence to show that the word carries the same connotations that it had in its inception. However, if the word has evolved, or gone out of use, then one either must trace the reasons that led to its evolvement to a new understanding (definition), or discern why the archaic nature of the word led to its disuse in contemporary language. The ultimate answers under both scenarios will lead the interpreter to a broader understanding of how the word, or phrase, in question can be applied to contemporary society.

It's true that the historical-critical approach takes much more work to decipher what a word, or phrase, means. I tend to believe that the literal approach was created with the intention of bringing Biblical interpretation to the layman in a way that made it accessible and not so daunting. Unfortunately, the literal approach is based on an unstable thesis because the supposed inerrancy of the Bible cannot be maintained after so many interpretations from previous interpretations. There is a type of poetic art called the mistranslation. This form of poetry can be very funny, or, at times, better than the original but the poem "mistranslated" is in no way related to the original text. This process works best with poems written in a language unknown to the translator who, then, attempts to formulate words in their own language based on how the foreign words sound when sounded out. Of course, any real translation of the poem under these circumstances would be pure folly. How can one translate what they don't understand? The art is in discovering what the poet can create. However, I would argue that there is no art in misinterpreting the Bible based on ignorance of the texts and then teaching the misinterpretation as "the word of God."

"The Truth about Homosexuality and the Bible"

I’ve about had it with the Christian Right singling out the GLBT community and basing their religious propaganda on misinterpretations of Biblical texts. I’m going to spend some time on this blog researching what the Bible actually has to state about homosexuality, if anything. I, like many people in the GLBT community (from here on out “the community” will be understood as the GLBT community), was raised in a Judeo-Christian family and taught to believe in the Word of God. However, I quickly discovered that under contemporary interpretations, I had no place in my own familial religious tradition. It was then that I began to look at other religions the world over, including non-Christian religions, and found that not every religion had such a dim view of people in the community. Although, what was more fascinating was the similarity between many of the monotheistic traditions and that of the Judeo-Christian tradition. All of these monotheistic traditions had some sort of process in order to reach their godhead, whether it be through sacrifice, ritual, faith, behavior, and/or knowledge. However, I’m always drawn back to the Judeo-Christian because I find it to be the most disturbing. Why are there so many sects of Christians? How can they justify using differing interpretations of the Bible? What is the difference between the various interpretations? Is it logical to base an interpretation on previously translated and interpreted text? And, why were so many texts left out of the Bible? Who made the ultimate decision on what texts would make up the Bible? There are a lot of questions here and surely more will arise along the way to the answers. Unfortunately, I cannot cover them all and, at this time, need to focus on the question of what bases, if any, does the Christian Right have for their assertions that to be gay is somehow ungodly, sinful, or an abomination? I feel I’ll have to touch on the issue of choice, in that, some people still believe that people in the community have chosen to be what they are and could easily change if only they would choose to do so. This is a ridiculous notion. No one chooses to be gay. It was never our choice. It’s part of what we are, our psyche, and our soul. It’s amazing how intolerant the Christian-Right is of people that are different from them. Where does all their hypocrisy and hatred stem from? They will say the Bible. I will say “look again.”

This research will be explored in three parts. The first part will look at how the Bible has been and is interpreted. The second part will explore passages in the Bible that have been attributed as sanctions against homosexuality. And in the third, I’ll try to reconcile the interpretations, Biblical texts, and the contemporary stance on homosexuality. Please check back next week for Biblical Interpretations 101.

"A letter of hope and a letter of grief"

HOPE:

Friday, November 5th, 2004
17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by
Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country  -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com

GRIEF:

The Costs of War
by VARIOUS CONTRIBUTORS
[from the November 22, 2004 issue]

Almost a year ago, Tom Engelhardt, the editor of tomdispatch.com, began a correspondence with Teri Wills Allison, a mother from Texas whose son is in the military in Iraq. Out of that grew an invitation to Allison to write about how the situation personally affected her as a parent. The resulting essay, published in mid-October at tomdispatch.com, brought a flood of e-mail, selections from which Engelhardt also published at the site. "One thing struck me," Engelhardt said in introducing the letters. "Amid all the pundits opining and journalists reporting on the state of the nation, we almost never hear the voices of Americans who, like Teri Allison, have to deal with the fallout from the mess this Administration has created." Engelhardt said he was also struck by the offers of help directed to Allison and some of the people she wrote about. In their generosity of spirit, he wrote, the responses "offer a kind of hope and renewal all their own." With the permission of all those involved, and with thanks to tomdispatch.com, a project of The Nation Institute, we offer Allison's letter and a sampling of the responses.   --The Editors

TERI WILLS ALLISON The Nation

Teri Wills Allison, a massage therapist and a member of Military Families Speak Out, lives near Austin, Texas.

I am not a pacifist. I am a mother. By nature, the two are incompatible, for even a cottontail rabbit will fight to protect her young. Violent action may well be necessary in defense of one's family or home (and that definition of home can easily be extended to community and beyond); but violence, no matter how warranted, always takes a heavy toll. And violence taken to the extreme--war--exacts the most extreme costs. A just war there may be, but there is no such thing as a good war. And the burdens of an unjust war are insufferable.

I know something about the costs of an unjust war, for my son, Nick--an infantryman in the US Army--is fighting one in Iraq. I don't speak for my son. I couldn't even if I wanted to, for all I hear through the Mom Filter is: "I'm fine, Mom, don't worry, I'm fine, everything is fine, fine, fine, we're fine, just fine." But I can tell you what some of the costs are as I live and breathe them.

First, the minor stuff: my constant feelings of dread and despair; the sweeping rage that alternates with petrifying fear; the torrents of tears that accompany a maddening sense of helplessness and vulnerability. My son is involved in a deadly situation that should never have been. I feel like a mother lion in a cage, my grown cub in danger, and all I can do is throw myself furiously against the bars...impotent to protect him. My tolerance for bullshit is zero, and I've snapped off more heads in the last several months than in all my forty-eight years combined.

For the first time in my life, and with great amazement and sorrow, I feel what can only be described as hatred. It took me a long time to admit it, but there it is. I loathe the hubris, the callousness and the lies of those in the Bush Administration who led us into this war. Truth be told, I even loathe the fallible and very human purveyors of those lies. I feel no satisfaction in this admission, only sadness and recognition. And hope that--given time--I can do better. I never wanted to hate anyone.

Xanax helps a bit. At least it holds the debilitating panic attacks somewhat at bay, so I can fake it through one more day. A friend in the same situation relies on a six-pack of beer every night; another has drifted into a la-la land of denial. Nice.

Then there is the wedge that's been driven between part of my extended family and me. They don't see this war as one based on lies. They've become evangelical believers in a false faith, swallowing Bush's fear-mongering, his chickenhawk posturing and strutting, and cheering his "bring 'em on" attitude as a sign of strength and resoluteness. Perhaps life is just easier that way. These are the same people who have known my son since he was a baby, who have held him and loved him and played with him, who have bought him birthday presents and taken him fishing. I don't know them anymore.

But enough of my whining. My son is alive and in one piece, unlike the 1,102 dead and 7,782 severely wounded American soldiers; which equals 8,884 blood-soaked uniforms, and doesn't even count the estimated 20,000 troops--not publicly reported by the Defense Department--medevacked out of Iraq for "non-combat related injuries." Every death, every injury, burns like a knife in my gut, for these are all America's sons and daughters. And I know I'm not immune to that knock on my door either.

And what of the Iraqi people? How many casualties have they suffered? How many tens of thousands of dead and wounded? How many Iraqi mothers have wept, weep now, for their lost children? I fear we will never know, for though the Pentagon has begun--almost gleefully--counting Iraqi insurgent deaths, there is little chance of getting an accurate verification of civilian casualties. You know, "collateral damage."

Yes, my son is alive and, as far as I know, well. I wish I could say the same for some of his friends.

One young man who was involved in heavy fighting during the invasion is now so debilitated by post-traumatic stress disorder that he routinely has flashbacks in which he smells burning flesh; he can't close his eyes without seeing people's heads squashed like frogs in the middle of the road, or dead and dying women and children, burned, bleeding and dismembered. Sometimes he hears the sounds of battle raging around him, and he has been hospitalized twice for suicidal tendencies. When he was home on leave, this 27-year-old man would crawl into his mother's room at night and sob in her lap for hours. Instead of getting treatment for PTSD, he has just received a "less than honorable" discharge from the Army. The rest of his unit redeploys to Iraq in February.

Another friend of Nick's was horrifically wounded when his Humvee stopped on an IED [improvised explosive device]. He didn't even have time to instinctively raise his arm and protect his face. Shrapnel ripped through his right eye, obliterating it to gooey shreds, and penetrated his brain. He has been in a coma since March. His mother spends every day with him in the hospital; his wife is devastated and their 112-year-old daughter doesn't know her daddy. But my son's friend is a fighter and so is making steady, incremental progress toward consciousness. He has a long hard struggle ahead of him, one that he need never have faced--and his family has had to fight every step of the way to get him the treatment he needs. So much for supporting the troops.

I go visit him every week, and it breaks my heart to see the burned faces, the missing limbs, the limps, the vacant stares one encounters in an acute-care military hospital. In front of the hospital there is a cannon, and every afternoon they blast that sucker off. You should see all the poor guys hit the pavement. Though many requests have been made to discontinue the practice for the sake of the returning wounded, the general in charge refuses. Boom.

Then there is Nick's 24-year-old Kurdish friend, the college-educated son of teachers, multilingual and highly intelligent. He works as a translator for the US Army for $600 a month and lives on base, where he is relatively safe. (Translators for private contractors, also living on base, make $7,200 a month.) He wants to travel to the States to continue his education, but no visas are now being issued from Iraq. Once the Army is through with him, will they just send him back into the streets, a virtual dead man for having worked with the Americans? My son places a high premium on loyalty to family and friends, and he has been raised to walk his talk. This must be a harsh and embittering lesson on just how unprincipled the rest of the world can be. My heart aches for his Iraqi friend as well as for him.

A year ago in January, when Nick left for Iraq, I granted myself permission to be stark-raving mad for the length of his deployment. By god, I've done a good job of it, without apology or excuse. And I dare say there are at least 139,999 other moms who have done the same--though taking troop rotations into consideration to maintain that magical number of 140,000 in the sand could put the number of crazed military moms as high as 300,000, maybe more. Right now, you might want to be careful about cutting in line in front of a middle-aged woman.

I know there are military moms who view the war in Iraq through different ideological lenses than mine. Sometimes I envy them. God, how much easier it must be to believe one's son or daughter is fighting for a just and noble cause! But no matter how hard I scrutinize the invasion and occupation of Iraq, all I see are lies, corruption and greed fueled by a powerful addiction to oil. Real soldiers get blown to tatters in their "Hummers," so that well-heeled American suburbanites can play in theirs.

For my family and me, the costs of this war are real and not abstract. By day, I fight my demons of dreaded possibility, beat them back into the shadows, into the dark recesses of my mind. Every night, they hiss and whisper a vile prognosis of gloom and desolation. I order the voices into silence, but too often they laugh at and mock my commands.

I wonder if George Bush ever hears these voices.

And I wonder, too...just how much are we willing to pay for a gallon of gas?

 

"Kerry concedes to unity but is that reality?"

I don't know about you but I'm still reeling from this election. I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my life and my future in this country, not to mention the future of this country itself. I haven't felt physically able to take in the political fallout, the concession speeches, the countless programs on what went wrong. Instead, I find myself reading articles about election meltdown syndrome and escaping into literature. I can bitch and complain to my heart's content but I don't feel any better. I can farm out my services to every activist group I can get myself into but I feel pessimistic about what anyone can really do. My optimism has been squashed! This morning I read Kerry's concession speech and was struck by something he said:concession speech

"But in an American election, there are no losers, because whether or not our candidates are successful, the next morning WE ALL (caps are my emphasis) wake up as Americans. And that -- that is the greatest privilege and the most remarkable good fortune that can come to us on earth.

With that gift also comes obligation. We are required now to work together for the good of our country. In the days ahead, we must find common cause. We must join in common effort without remorse or recrimination, without anger or rancor. America is in need of unity and longing for a larger measure of compassion.

I hope President Bush will advance those values in the coming years. I pledge to do my part to try to bridge the partisan divide. I know this is a difficult time for my supporters, but I ask them, all of you, to join me in doing that."

Are we all Americans? Because we do not all hold the same rights and protections under the law. 11 states voted in favor of state constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage, and Bush has placed the US Constitutional amendment as one of his goals for his second term.

Kerry calls for unity. Bush calls for unity. But how can I unite with those who would have me work against myself, my being, my beliefs. There was a day, not too long ago, when it felt good to be an American. It felt like we were progressing as a society and there was reason for the rest of the world to look in our direction in admiration. Those days are passed.

Kerry stated that he hopes Bush will advance values of unity in the coming years but those of us who fought so ardently for change know differently. It's like we see and live in a different America. I feel misplaced. I'm angry and hurt. And, I'll be damned if I'm going to unite under this regime. If you can't show me the respect of being a fellow American, then fuck you!

"An American Mourning"

It's the day after the 2004 elections and things are looking bleak for those of us whose civil rights are up for grabs. 11 states voted overwhelmingly against gay marriage, some states even included extra measures to make sure nothing resembling same-sex unions would be recognized. The presidential race is still uncertain but looking favorable for the Republicans. I just checked CNN for the latest results and they are showing Bush with 254 electoral votes to Kerry's 252. There are still three states outstanding: New Mexico, Ohio, and Iowa. Ohio is stating they expect to be for Bush and that expectation should give him the race. However, the Kerry campaign is waiting until all provisional and overseas ballots have been accounted for before conceding the race.

Last evening, I got an unexpected call from my dear friend Jenny who is currently living in Boston. She has been fortunate enough to be at the heart of much of this political arena, as much of the Democratic Party's momentum has began in Boston. Although, last evening we did what the current administration never has done, we taled exit strategies. What if the Republicans win? What if my civil liberties are further eroded? What if the ongoing occupation in Iraq turns more of the world against us? What if I don't have a job in the future? What if our country goes bankrupt? What if? Essentially, Canada seemed like an option. I've also been thinking about teaching English overseas but that option may not be as promising as it once was. My friend, Heather, currently lives in Germany and wants to return to the US in the fall of '05. Man, if I had the opportunity she has and the connection to stay away, I would. Maybe it sounds like escapism? Maybe it sounds defeatist? I suppose Democratic pundits and activist would say we have to continue fighting, or that the next four years will really turn this country around. Personally, I'm shocked, dismayed, and depressed that anyone could look back at the previous four years and honestly want more. I don't want anymore.

"The Longest Day"

Alright everyone, here we go. Tuesday, November 2, 2004. This day is either going to make our future bright or dismal for the next four years. The suspense, which has only begun at the time of this posting, is already killing me! And, not only the ultimate decision, ie the presidential one, but how the entire voting process is going to pan out this time. Pray to whatever gods and goddesses or powers and providence you believe in that there aren't any major kinks in the system. Of course, there will be but that's the chaos factor and it's inevitable. There's not much to say right now. Just wait. I hate waiting.

"Spectral Orbs"

Every year as we draw into the Pagan new year Samhain, also known as Halloween, I'm often drawn to things of the paranormal. The other day, I spent some time perusing a website created by a group of Chicago based paranormal investigators called Haunted Chicago . This site is very interesting and it covers the activities of this group of investigators. There are pages of the work they've done, how they go about it, where they have investigated, and most importantly, pictures of some phenomenon they have caught on film. Check it out, it'll blow your mind provided your open to this kind of thing. Anyway, after I read about them and saw some of their pictures, I, of course, wanted to try and get some ghosty orb pictures of my own. But, then, something else struck me. I decided before I go out to my fav graveyards in the middle of the night, I'd first pull out all my old pictures and see if there were any orbs in them. This is so weird and cool. Sure enough, they're there. It's strange how I didn't notice these anomalies before but, I guess, because I didn't think to recognize them, I, therefore, didn't. Below are some examples of the ones I found. Check em out. Then, after you've read about the evidence on Haunted Chicago and looked at my own, grab all your own old photos and be prepared to freak out. It's one thing to read and see these types of things on someone else's website but when they appear in your own photos, well, then any arguments you may have been formulating on how the pictures are faked just crumbles.

"Support for the Republican Party, directly and indirectly"

May the gods help us all! Recently, I've been surfing some of the liberal websites out there that are actively helping to educate viewers on how far the RP's money reaches, and how consumers are inadverdently helping to support the RP. It makes me gag! I discovered, only this morning, that my morning addiction, a tall skim latte from Starbucks (owned by Philip Morris owned by Altria) is money in the RP's silk lined pockets. Admittedly, it sometimes seems impossible, or at least extremist, to be diligent about not knowingly supporting organizations that are in direct opposition to one's own convictions. However, thanks to organizations, such as Boycott Bush, the American people have resources available to make the most informed decisions about what we do. Of course, no one should take anything from a single source as fact. The beauty of research is that one has the ability, provided one is willing to make the effort, to get to the bottom of almost anything (maybe, in fact, anything). If you're reading this and interested in knowing how you may be helping to support the RP unaware, then please visit this site, Boycott Bush, as a starting point and be informed.

"How am I not who I am?"

I've been thinking about thinking lately. This self-inquisitive process has probably been influenced by my current reading, film seeing, and DVD buying. I recently began To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf, which, so far as I can tell, is an experiment in perspectives and individuality. Woolf's modernist style reminds me of Faulkner though I don't believe he was an influence to her. Frankly, I'm unsure if they even lived in the same era (I'll look into it). Shows what I know. It's more the way dialogue and narration seamlessly blend into eachother (think Sound and the Fury) but the effect can be jarring as well because one tends to lose their bearings in the story. I'm still in the first part of the novel and don't know how it will evolve but, so far, both Mrs. Ramsay and Lily Briscoe have been given the most prominence and the deepest insight into their perspectives. Thinking about what other people may be thinking about themselves and their thinking. Confused? We'll see how it unfolds.

This past Friday, I went to see I Heart Huckabees, which is billed as an existentialist comedy. Going in, I didn't really know what to expect beyond a fine cast and the kind of loose capsulation only a critic can give. After seeing the film, which I thought was brilliant, I decided to brush up on my understanding of philosophical ideas, especially existentialism. I consulted my handy dictionary of philosophy. Everyone should have one of these reference guides, afterall, these days philosophical ideas are bandied about and tossed into regular conversation as if adding an ism to any word can make it an original thought. I'm not convinced people always know what they're really talking about. Evidentaly, existentialists believe in the "existence" of things and man as two separate types of being. Man is separate because he has choice over his destiny. Everything else is predetermined. Look at the way we (mankind) refer to everything that isn't part of mankind. It's every "thing," whereas other people are every "one." Interesting. Also, I believe there is a subtextual element that every thing is what it is and cannot be anything else. Meaning, things, no matter what they are, cannot symbolize or be substituted for anything other than exactly what they are. However, man can, because of choice he is changeable. This subtext helped me to understand the title of the movie. I Heart Huckabees, not I love Huckabees, which is the way most people would read it. To an existentialist, the heart symbol does not equate love but only a heart. I think it would be hard to think like an existentialist, all that separateness, not to mention consciously giving up universal symbols like hearts for love.

Lastly, I watched Donnie Darko on Saturday night. Trippy. If you haven't seen it, you should. I can see why it has become a cult classic. It makes one think. It makes one think about sanity. It makes one think about family dynamics. It makes one think about self control. It makes one think about the nature of reality . It makes one think about following one's destiny, literally. It reinforces the idea that things are not what they seem to be. And, yet, in the end, it makes our minds cramp at the thought that the universe does have a kind of chaotic structure that can drop airplane engines on one's house from the future.

How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am?
How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am?
How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am?
How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? How am I not who I am? . . .

"3 Days and a Stupor"

Even though it rained all day Friday, it was still a much more productive day for me than Saturday. I ran errands most of the day and spent a near fortune on groceries. I normally keep my pantry stocked just enough to get me through the next week but this week I went on a buying frenzy as if I were stocking up for an impending disaster. And maybe I am. It is a very charged political season this year and who knows what may happen after 11/02. I also added two DVDs to my collection: Angels in America and Strange Days. I had never seen the former either on stage or in its HBO production but after seeing all the awards it has gathered over the years and recently at the Emmys, I decided I should check it out. I balled throughout. I laughed a little. But, I mostly got fired up (all over again) about the disgraceful way that Reagan handled the early years of the AIDS epidemic. I've seen the latter film, Strange Days, many times and think it is one of the most imaginative movies ever made. If you haven't seen it, see it. Notice, I'm giving nothing away today.

Friday night, after baking a pan of chocolate brownies, I settled down to watch the second presidential debate. I had the remainder of one of those 1.5 litres of red wine to finish off and to add emotional support, or at least to numb my disgust to all the crap soon to be issuing from George's oral orifice. However, by the end of the debate, which I thought our man Kerry did brilliantly, I also felt quite drunk (5 glasses worth) and a bit full from gorging on all the brownies but one. I awoke latter in the night, around 1am-ish to the beginnings of a nasty hang-over. My nasty hang-over hung over me throughout all of Saturday effectively ruining any chance of accomplishing anything productive that day, such as working on my upcoming Nobel worthy book of thought provoking poetry. Instead, I veged out and watched all of Angels in America and became very emotional. I also continued to gorge on much of the food I'd bought to last me through the impending disaster and now may need to go back to the store sooner rather than later.

Thankfully, as Sunday rolled around, I was able to rally my resources and do some miraculous things. I began the day my working out. Well, I figured with all those folks running in the marathon, I could muster up the energy to lift a few weights for the betterment of my intoxicated muscles. Both they and I felt better afterwards and it sprang us on to our next endeavor which was the assembling of my first ever lasagne. Following my mother's sage advice on lasagne making, I assembled this icon of middle-class American family dinner entrees in the morning to allow the ingredients to marinate and soften the noodles. No precooking of the pasta required. I would return to it later in the evening to bake for about an hour and remember it's suppose to last for many days, no gorging required. In the middle of the day, I met my friend Michelle at Sweet Mandy B's for a cupcake and coffee break. Ever been there? It reminded me of the bakery I recently visited in NYC called Magnolia Bakery. It's one of those places where they make old fashioned baked goods from scratch using full fat products like real butter, cream, and copious amounts of sugar. Mmmmmmm! Then, in the late afternoon, I did work on my Nobel worthy manuscript of thought provoking poetry and really liked how it was shaping up. I'm sure to be recognized soon. Look for me! And the lasagne was/is delicious.

"Highlights of my recent trip to NYC"

I got my pics back yesterday from my trip to NYC last weekend. Oh man, I miss it all over again. I think I've been bit by the Big Apple bug. I could definitely live in that city, if only I could afford the rent! Ah well, enjoy the photos and the memories. Of course, when I hit the big time and have more money than I know what to do with, then I'll have a place in NY as well as LA and somewhere in Europe too.

"The Only Logical Response to Conservatism"

Over the weekend I decided it was time to catch up on some missed films that have come out lately. I saw two, A Dirty Shame and The Forgotten. John Waters, of course, takes the cake as he would in any situation. His film is a rip roaring laugh a minute sex charged response to the overly suppressively constrictingly conservatism that is drowning our nation under the current political climate. If you haven't seen it and your not a republican, then by all means go. However, you want to remember to think about Water's film in the context of the era we are living in. On the surface it may seem like an over the top sex romp without any substance. But when you look a little deeper at the way conservatives and liberals are represented you begin to see the politics underlying the surface story. I believe Water's is responding to the conservative hysteria is recent years including such issues as the dissolution of human rights, the backlash on the homosexual community, and the warmongering against oppressed people. I think the most telling moment out of the film wasn't any of the visuals or sexual stunts but the slogan of the nueters group. "No more tolerance." In Water's films, it's an unreality that we can all laugh at but under the present administration it's all too real. If we don't make our stand against it this November, the next four years may be the death of the entire liberal party. Maybe that sounds extreme. Perhaps we would simply see the second civil war in America?

I also saw The Forgotten. Here's another film that is getting some press, mostly dismal. Admittedly, the film is held together predominantly by unusual special effects and some shocking moments. There was one scene where our heroine Julianne Moore (Telly) and her co-star Dominic West (Ash) are fleeing the feds in a Ash's car. The perspective (for this scene) shows the driver, Ash, in the foreground and Telly in the background. Outside her window you can see the headlights of a car that seems to be coming toward theirs at a leisurely rate of speed. Then, suddenly, they are smashed in the side and the airbags blow. It all happens so fast. I swear it was just like my accident I was in last Christmas. Very surreal moment for me. Anyway, what's interesting about this film is the premise that someone (some thing) could erase not only your memory but also everyone around you so that you effectively would forget a lost loved one. Once again, I see this film as an extreme response to the times. When we all saw Fahrenheit 9/11 (we all saw it, right?) and learned, or had it confirmed, that the Bush, his family, and his administration have been in bed with "the enemy" all along and then in this film we find out that the government is also passively working with the "enemy" (trying not to give anything away) suppossedly for the good of all. It's all so annoying what people will do for power and money.

I also baked a cake this weekend without any thought to politics in its making. Actually, I was thinking about my recent birthday and the fact that I never celebrate the occasion with cake anymore. So I made a buckwheat banana bundt cake. It turned out great! Although, I have found that if you are as frustrated by politics these days as I am and you are not currently a filmmaker, then try baking a cake from scratch. It's good old-fashioned fun, a little work, and the results are yummy! It's my response to ultra- conservatism.

"A New York State of Mind"

Isn't it funny how all your troubles seem to get suspended when you get the hell out of Dodge, even if only for a few days. I didn't realize it, or really think about it until today, but after spending a long weekend in NYC I realized that the way I perceive the world at home is different than the way I did in NY. Of course, it doesn't help that everything that could be wrong is wrong for me in Chicago. The onset of fall, which seems to have waited for my return to begin its slow encapsulation of the environment as everything slowly dies. Or is it that my car which I raced to pick up at the shop (Runge's Auto) yesterday after getting off the plane, has a new problem with it. Could it be that I'm losing a day of work and the only reason I care is because I won't be paid for it? Why are all the bad things in a life associated with "home?"

When I left for NY last Friday, I was apprehensive. I hadn't flown in a number of years, long before 9/11. I had always had an irrational fear of flying. However, both legs of my flight were realitively uneventful and the check-in proceedures at both airports didn't take very long. Actually, I love American Airlines self-service check-in machines for people with e-tickets. I was dreading the wait in line to get a boarding pass but all I had to do was press a few buttons on a touch screen. It was like using the ATM.

I decided this time in NYC, I was going to be as native as possible meaning I wanted to use the MTA to get around town, and I wasn't going to see any Broadway shows. We have all the same ones (or most) here in Chicago and I don't want to see them here either. I think I can safely state that the MTA system in NYC is very easy to use but also way more complicated than it probably needs to be. For instance, the subways are not only color coded but also lettered and numbered. There's the 1-9, the A-Z, and the red, blue, green, purple, yellow, green, and orange lines. Thankfully, these are not all separate lines that would be insane. But why does the 1,2,3,9 trains all have to be red as well? Why are the N,R,Q,W all yellow? And why were the eastside trains like riding the monorail at Disney, while the westside trains were, well, dirty old trains? I can see the why of some of it, like, for instance, the eastside trains are well kept because they service the crusty upper eastside. It's like in Chicago where the purple line train that goes into the northshore is the nicest and least used line. But the most used line, the red line, is crappy and the same was true in NYC. Although, overall, the entire system made the Chicago CTA seem antiquated. It ran a lot more smoothly and on schedule with a lot more options for getting from A-B. Also, the trains themselves were much larger. Even on a rush hour train, I was never smashed up against the doors trying to get a space. When I returned to Chicago and had to take the CTA all the way downtown so I could turn back uptown, I already missed the MTA.

My first afternoon there, after checking in to my swank upper westside hotel, I walked across to the eastside to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I spent most of my time in the modern art wing but the most beautiful view I had there was actually from the roof where I saw all of Central Park's treetops spread out around me. Is there another city in the world with a view like that?

And Central park itself was amazing. When you're deep in it, it's as if the city were a million miles away. I went jogging twice over the weekend in the park. There are numerous ways one can go to jog, ride, skate, or whatever. There are also tons of places to lounge, have a picnic, or ride horses. There was a small zoo, and a lagoon where you can rent radio controlled sailboats. The public art work in the park is incredible. Somewhere, deep in its environs, I saw a bronze sculpture of Alice in Wonderland.

Now, before I left I had done a ton of research on the net for restaurants. The first night, I took three trains to get to one of these finds on the lower eastside. It was fun and the place was great but NYC is covered in restaurants, many of which are great. I quickly discovered that on any night, you can go to places without reservations and not spend a fortune but still have a great experience. Every place I went to seemed to take great pride in presentation. The food looked great as well as tasted great. I ate at Les Enfants Terribles (LES), Miracle (Greenwich), Baluchi's (UWS), and The Townhouse (UES). I should mention that my budget was not huge and I spent less than 200 bucks on food all weekend. I've spent that much alone here in Chicago at one time! I think the contrast isn't what one would expect.

I spent Saturday traversing the city from one end to the other. I did do some touristy things like walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and going to see the Statue of Liberty. I had the most amazing cupcake, on recommendation, at Magnolia Bakery in the Village. And I went to see a slew of interesting writers at the KGB Bar in the same area on two different nights.

Sunday was my birthday and I spent, almost, the whole day boozing it up at my cousin's expense. He offered. He and his partner took me to the one place I went to on the UES to eat. It's called the Townhouse and caters to a predominantly older gay crowd. I met another poet who works at Rutger's and hates it. He was in a bit of a rut that day but he gave me the Clash cd London Calling on the spur.

I can't say enough good things about my experience. I meant to go into more detail in this post but I have my broken down car on my mind, this missed day of work, and the coming winter. I think I could live in NYC just not in the summer (too hot) or the winter (too cold). How could I manage that?

"A Hollywood Weekend"

I didn't plan it this way but I realized as I slid into the Monday morning blues that I had had a Hollywood weekend. I should preface this with the understanding that a Hollywood weekend is not necessarily all glamour, though that would be just fine. No, my Hollywood weekend was more in the subtle nature of things, I mean, that's where the glamour was to be found. Also, I began the weekend looking one way and came out of it changed.

So, rewind back to Friday afternoon. I went for my 6-month haircut. Oh yeah, I don't believe in "maintaining" my hair through constant trimmings every couple of weeks. Who has time and money for that? Evidently, some folks do just not this folk. Anyway, I spent the usual amount of time driving around the Clark & Diversey area looking for parking. What a mess of one-way streets, permit parking, and construction zones that area has become. Eventually, I snagged a place on that little one-way street right behind the Century. Freeloaders can only park on one side of the street without being ticketed. It's really just a matter of chance and a little good luck. After securing Dalloway (my literary Volvo), I zipped around the corner to Gabby's. I love this Barber Shop! They have both men and women barbers and can do any style that any of the salons can do just minus all the fuss. Normally, when one arrives there on any day at almost any hour, there is a bit of a wait. You write your name on a chalk board and wait to be called, while perusing various fashion mags. However, on this Hollywood day, I walked in the door and was pleasantly greeted by one of the cooler barbers there who whisked me right into her chair as if I was expected at that moment. I told her I wasn't used to such treatment but she said "You deserve this and more." Okay, not really. She actually said "You came in at the right time. I just finished up someone and no one is waiting." So it was a timing thing but that is an important Hollywood skill as well and fit into my weekend.

Now, I must tell you, this woman was fantastic. I can't believe I didn't get her name! My bad. She asked me how I wanted it, made some clarifications, then off she went clipping and cutting. Here's the thing. Her touch was so gentle that I barely felt a thing except for this warm presence and slight hum from the clippers just over my shoulder. We got to talking about tattoos. Evidently, we both have a few and have gotten some of them at the same place over on Belmont at the
Chicago Tattoo Co. Small world. She told me she has even gotten a mother/daughter tattoo with both of her daughters. Why-oh-why couldn't my mother have been that cool? Well, when it was all said and done my do looked fantastic. Normally when I go to Gabby's, I just go with whoever is available but for now on I'm waiting for her.

The rest of Friday was uneventful errands.

On Saturday, I decided it was probably going to be the last day I would be able to go to the beach. So I spent the morning doing the domestic diva stuff and then I lathered up with sunscreen and went off to damage my skin for the price of beauty. When I first arrived at . . . Hollywood Beach (I'm not kidding that's the name) it was kind of deserted. It was almost noon and usually there are quite a few sun worshippers there by then. I began to think that summer was unofficially over as far as boy's beach was concerned. However, I forgot it was Saturday. All the beach boys had been out all the night before and wouldn't begin arriving for another hour. Those boys! Sure enough, by the time I left around three-ish, the place was a virtual cornucopia of bathing bods in speedos and tight-ass shorty-shorts. Makes me dizzy just thinking about it.

I spent the remainder of Saturday afternoon cooking up some blackeyes and bacon. No, not very Hollywood. Actually, very Southern. I had a craving that had to be filled. A little garlic, red pepper, and cumin. Mmmmm! I, of course, returned to my Hollywood theme that evening and watched a couple movies rented from Blockbuster. I suppose I should have rented from Hollywood Video but, as I already stated, I hadn't planned to have a Hollywood weekend, it just happened. I watched a little indie film called Latter Days. It was a cute, slow love story directed by the guy who did Sweet Home Alabama about two gay boys who meet in (where?) West Hollywood and eventually find love.
Jacquelyn Bisset does a great turn as a restaurateur where all the prinipal actors work, of course. I also watched Secret Window with Jonny Depp. Not so good. I'm sure the story of the mad writer (or whatever) has been done before. In fact, I'm sure I've seen this moving before with other actors done by someone else.

I spent the first part of Sunday at the Renegade Craft Fair in Wicker Park. Before arriving, I was wondering what made it renegade but after seeing it I think it had something to do with all the quirky crafts on display. There was one crafter who made colorful wigs that looked like dreadlocks. Another did hand bags made out of old record album covers. There was an artist who did disturbingly deformed little characters and beasties. Another made monster-like pillows. There were the usual assortment of quilters, knitters, jewelry designers, and clothing makers. There were also a consortium of artists who do the promo posters for shows at the Empty Bottle. They were very cool. I bought one of the original posters for the cd release party of the former HeathersDamage.

After the fair, I met my friend Christina and her daughter Lucy at the (are you ready?) Hollywood Grill. It's true! I was really surprised to because the food there has vastly improved since the last time I had been there. They had expanded the space and the walls were covered in an assortment of kitchy Hollywood memorbilia. I had a cheddar-bacon grill cheese on rye with fries. Lucy had pretty much the straight-up traditional grill cheese. However, Christina, claiming to be famished, ordered both a fetta burger and blue- berry pancakes! I told her she was nuts. She swore she wasn't even full afterward.

I completed my Sunday with (no surprise here) the Emmys. I actaully only watched the red carpet stuff and then flipped back and forth between Charmed and the first hour, then I entirely skipped the second hour for Jack & Bobby. However, I did see both Michael Imperioli and Drea de Matteo win theirs. Wasn't it cute how two people who played lovers on the same show both won? They deserved it. However, neither SJP nor Kelsey Grammer really needed to get it again. Did they? Especially SJP. Although, what a surprise when Cynthia Nixon got it over Kim Cattrall. I suppose the Academy went with the single mom story line over the more controversial breast cancer survivor story line, not to mention (or celebrate) the sexual freedom of KC's character on Sex. James Spader grabbing lead actor was interesting. He was only on The Practice for a short time. I was delighted for the Sopranos to grab best drama series, but another surprise was that Arrested Development got it for best comedy series. Good choice nonetheless.

That about wraps up my Hollywood weekend. Next week's post will be a Big Apple weekend. That's right, I'm off to New York where I'm sure to come back with the most fascinating tales to tell.

"Know Thyself"

In my constant state of curiousity, I sometimes find myself doing personality tests because A) I get a kick out of them and the results and B) I have way too much time on my hands in my current occupation. The test I took today was a Jung Typology Test. It was very quick and painless. I simply answered a number of "yes" or "no" questions and then I was given my type, which is a INFJ (explained below), and multiple, detailed explanations from different Jungian analysts. Of course, it's all free. To take the test yourself, go here: Typology Test

Here's what one analyst (the most concise) has to say about the INFJ personality:

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and directive and introverted in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another's emotions or intentions -- good or evil -- even before that person is conscious of them. This "mind-reading" can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others' feelings so keenly. Furthermore, the Counselor is most likely of all the types to demonstrate an ability to understand psychic phenomena and to have visions of human events, past, present, or future. What is known as ESP may well be exceptional intuitive ability-in both its forms, projection and introjection. Such supernormal intuition is found frequently in the Counselor, and can extend to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come, as well as uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

Mohandas Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).
**This information is taken from here: Keirsey

"The Saturday Review"

Dear readers, what a pleasant Saturday I had this 09/11 anniversary. As it happens, I didn't do much in remembrance of that awful day three years back. I think it's really a private affair for those who were directly affected. Well, yes, one could say that all of America was affected and to some respects that's true but Americans are all about moving on. I haven't, nor will ever be able to, put it completely out of my mind. The day will always be known as 09/11.

Alas, I spent the first part of the day, if one can call from noon onward the first part, visiting some of my fave art galleries in the River North area. I began my visits at Printworks, which is showing Nicholas Sustler. It's an amazing showing of gouache on paper minutely detailed and very colorfully rendered pieces. Each one is probably no larger than 3x5" and Sustler has this amazing ability to show room spaces at odd angles and from unusual perspectives with a photo realist quality. Also, each piece carries within its subject something of the risque element. The title of the entire show is "Hot & Bothered" and the artist himself had flames pasted all along the walls of the exhibit to add to the overall impression. Worth a look.

Next I ventured over to Ann Nathan, which lately has regularly excited me with their collection choices. Today I saw the work of Nola Romano which was playful and disturbing and blazing with color. Her medium is acrylics on canvas and most are rather large, probably around 3x5 feet and many are made up of multiple canvases. Her subject matter seems to deal with feminist issues and she uses herself as a focal point character in all of her pieces. In other words, self portraits but there are many versions of herself so it's like seeing twins or clones. These characters, or representations of herself or women, are often involved in some type of experimental activity or seem to be questioning some aspect of their existence. I'm sure I'm not quite capturing her essence but more can be learned from the website.

Lastly, I stopped over at Carl Hammer where I had the delight of seeing a Henry Darger retrospective. Now here's an interesting case study. Darger was one of those reclusive artist whose work never saw the light of day during his life and was only discovered a short time ago. He spent his life creating an alternate reality through his drawings and writing. The pieces are of mammoth porportions and depict characters and events in the lives of his alternate universe. It would be much too hard to try to explain them, they simply must be seen. However, I am noticing a curious comparison between his work and the work of Heather Accurso. I'll explore this more later in a separate post but both of these artist work in the area of creating alternate realities that feature female-like beings.

In the second part of my day, I went to a fabulous party at Miss Charlotte's where the focus of the evening was a viewing of the cult classic film Repo Man starring Emilio Estevez. As is often the case at Miss Charlotte's soirees, there was an interesting assortment of people gathered, however, last evening's group represented a new element in party going that I had not experienced before. You see, dear reader, everyone, save our hostess and myself, drank either water or virgin daiquiries. This stood out for me, because there I was happily putting back glass after glass of red wine, along with Miss Charlotte, while everyone else sipped (sipped!) sparkling water and slurpies. Although, I wonder if Miss Charlotte was only drinking to be a good hostess? Probably not. There were a few times during the evening when I waited for her to offer more wine before partaking of it myself. I think at one point I referred to myself as a lush in a self-deprecating manner to both admit my own folly and to add a little humor to the situation. It's interesting that I was not bothered in the least about being the only male in attendance amongst 7-8 females. I think we all had a pleasant time and enjoyed one another's company. Although, I can't help wonder what the assemblage thought of me, per se. I never got around to telling them I am a poet but, perhaps, that could have explained all my other foibles away? I can just hear the conversation now:

"What did you think of that eccentric young man at the party?"
"He can sure put it away!"
"He's certainly comfortable around the opposite sex."
"Well,he's gay."
"Well, that explains the drinking."
"And his wit."
"Not to mention his good looks. Why is it that men who like men always look so good?"
"I don't know about that, ladies, but I do know something else about him."

An attentive silence ensues.

"He's a poet."
"A poet! Well, that explains everything."
"Oh, a poet. How exciting!"
"I'd be wary of poets, ladies, if I were you. You never know what they're going to say."

"It depends on when you were born"

As I was just perusing Miss Charlotte's blog page, I came across this link to a site about what traits are associated with a person's birth month. It's, of course, uncannily right on. Although, this particular website encourages folks to strike out those aspects that they don't feel should be attributed to them. The truth is, all of what it stated about September, my month (which we're in!), is pretty fair, even the seemingly (off-worded, let's say) slightly cruel aspects. We all have our dark side. Anyway, instead of striking out any of mine, I just elaborated where I thought something needed more detail. Evidently it's completly in my nature to be critical. I might as well embrace it. If you'd like to see what your birth month states about you, click here: b-month

Here's what mine states about me:

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize (aren’t those two basically the same idea?). Stubborn (well, according to Webster’s, this could mean Determined and Persistent). Quiet but able to talk well (who wrote this? I think they mean well spoken. Am I being too critical?). Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest (I love this and it’s quite true. Trust me, the truth isn’t always what people want). Does work well (Perhaps too well and consequently underpaid). Very confident. Sensitive-Thinking. Generous. Good memory (Yeah, watch out!). Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information (We educated types call this research). Must control oneself when criticizing (Why?). Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive (mysterious?). Loves sports (sex?), leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions (not to just anyone). Tends to bottle up feelings (There we go again with stating the same idea twice). Very choosy, especially in relationships (I view this as a very healthy trait). Systematic.

"Fab Blogs for Your Reading Pleasure"

This whole blogging craze could take up a person's entire life just in reading the numerous epistles out there. I often wonder if anyone even sees mine or gets anything out of what I have to say. However, as it happens, many friends have stated that they have looked at it and I have shared out the link to other blogging sites, so I suppose that'll have to do. Cyberspace is a big place. Although, I wonder, where is cyberspace anyway? "Can you tell me how to get . . . how to get to cyberspace?" (he,he)

Speaking of cyberspace, here's a couple of addresses you all should check out on your travels:

1. Miss Charlotte
2. greengrl

"Thinking about the Creative"

Over the weekend, I picked up the biography of Virginia Woolf written by Hermione Lee. This text, which is the size of a collegiate dictionary, is filled with every anecdote and known fact about the celebrated life and work of Virginia Woolf. I'm only a short way into the book but what is most interesting to me thus far is Lee's discussion of the creative forces behind Woolf's work. She takes great lengths to show how Woolf's life influenced her writing. Lee draws connections between people Woolf knew in life and how they may have, directly or indirectly, influenced characters in her stories. Through this reading, I began thinking about the creative forces in my own life and that which influences my own writing. Of course, it's much the same. People I know and experiences I've had. Somewhere between Woolf's life recounted by Lee and my own thoughts on the creative, I came up with the following poem.

creatrycks

The demon other dominates from within.
Its impish thoughts pitch and fork my dagger
pen, lacerating the page, to free the blood of Judas’
kiss, a succubian dream of dark night tales.

This feast, my bounty, expression of succulent distaste,
possesses my heart, mind, and hand in serpentine madness
weaving a woeful tune. I cry and laugh and pace the floor
lost in a Dantian circle as the sweat drips in cadence.

Wyrd words, like incantation, effuse a delicate gesture of up
and down from the scratches of my desperate hand. I watch
transfixed, behind my eyes, buoyed by the heat of creation
as immoral machination unfolds a story imitative of life.


~Michael Staples

"Stepping Up"

With all of the turmoil going on in the world today on a global and national scale, it's sometimes hard to see the changes that are going on right at your own front door. I live in a very diverse community on the far north side of Chicago. In fact, this community has been dubbed the most diverse in the country. It's called Roger's Park and is home to about as many different kinds of people as they are. In any three block radius you can find about five different kinds of churches, restaurants, stores, and community centers. It's a rare experience and the people have worked hard to keep it stable.

Of course, it isn't idyllic. We have our squabbles amongst our neighbors. There are some gangs here and about. And, because of the diversity both in race and in economic levels, the wealthy and the poor often live right in the same block. Unfortunately, I think the instability in our world is having reverberations right here in my community. Recently, I've noticed increased gang activity right on my own corner. The tenets of my building suddenly have to deal with imposing youths camped out on our doorsteps. The noise levels of screaming kids has increased throughout the day and into the evenings. Vandalism has been blanketing our neighborhood, my building, and our cars that we park near our homes. Honestly, I've always accepted that these things happen but I've never done much to try to change it. However, the times have not only focused my energies on a national and global scale, but have also focused them on a community scale. I've made visits to my Alderman's office and the local CAPS office to find out what I can do, what other community members are doing, to keep our communities safe for all.

On the national scale, we exercise our right to vote and protest. Here, in the community, we must work together. Although, isn't working together what we have to do on any scale if we want better and safer lives? We all have to "step up" at some point or resign ourselves fatally to whatever situation we may be in. I choose to step up.

"Under the Substandard"

It's hard to be a liberal Democrat anymore. Have any of you been listening to all the crap that's been going down in New York via the RNC? I can't believe (actually it sadly doesn't surprise me) how they've managed to suppress so many people's civil rights. The way they've rounded up protestors and confined them in jail-like settings aptly named Guantanomo (sp?) on the Hudson a.k.a. Pier 47. I listened to a story yesterday on public radio about a father whose son had been apprehended in a peaceful protest on Friday night. This young man was caught in a literal wide web of nets that the cops threw out over the crowd and gathered them all in. By law, people are not to be held for more than 24 hours but this father has not seen or heard from his son since. He's gone to the point of posting signs in the park that state "Son, if you read this, call me at #, Love Dad. Is this really happening? Yes, it is!

Isn't it interesting how ever since Bush came to power there has been controversy surrounding him, his administration, and his legitimacy. Every time he opens his mouth, we have to protest the crap that comes out. Who is he working for? Not the American people. Not the millions of people who knew the war in Iraq was ill fated. Not the soldiers who have lost their lives, for what? For fucking what? For nothing. If it was for oil, it wasn't worth it. I know it wasn't for security. We all know that now for sure. How are the actions of this administration any different from those of other dictatorships? The suppression of the people. The loss of civil liberties. The underhanded way they pass anti-American legislation. I've said it many times throughout this blog but it bears repeating:

WE ARE ALL AMERICANS! That's what America is about. We are many different kinds of people with many different views. We allow everyone to express their opinion. We allow our citizens to live fruitful and peaceful lives. These are the reasons people want to live here and the reasons people in other countries dislike us. Because of our blessed freedoms.

Look, I'm a gay, liberal, Democrat. My parents are Protestant, conservative, Republicans. Do we agree with one another's views? No. But we're family and we respect them. In some countries, my views and lifestyle would be reason enough for my father to have me killed, legally. That's not the case in America. So why is our current President working to suppress the civil liberties of people like me? I'm educated, I work, I pay taxes, and I live within the law, and I'm a goddamn American. What's the problem?

The only problem I can see is the man in the White House. All of the other problems stem from him and trickle down. It's his job to set the standard. Under his standard, he's increased anti-American feelings worldwide. He's made hard working Americans lose their jobs. He's sent our young troops to a senseless war and lost lives. He's increased the national debt to unbelievable highs. And he is actively working to suppress the civil liberties of the GLBT community. American citizens, in case it's been forgotten.

Mr. President, who are you?

"Dilemma"

This morning, as I was laying in bed and dreading going into the office, I was thinking about my current dilemma and the idea of dilemmas in general. My handy, paperback dic defines dilemma as a choice between two equally balanced alternatives. However, I think we often encounter dilemmas in situations where the choices are completely unbalanced as well. Consider the choice of giving up a destructive addiction. On the one hand, there's a productive and healthful life. Then, on the other hand, there's a viable escape from the daily hell some of us seem to live in. Perhaps, at least in my mind, these two alternatives are equally balanced. Anyway, I was also thinking this morning about a scene in an episode of AbFab. It was the episode when Patsy's sister Jax had come to visit one New Year's Eve, much to the dismay of Eddie. The visit effectively ruined Eddie's New Year's eve and placed Patsy in a moral dilemma. Her sister Jax had asked for her help but it would be at the expense of her friend Eddie. When Patsy tells Eddie that she is in a moral dilemma, Eddie simply tells her she has no morals and therefore no dilemma. Where am I going with this? Oh, so my current dilemma is this. I've been living in Chicago for thirteen years (jesus god!) and over the years I've acquired a lot of cool shit like furniture, expensive art, electronics, and books galore! My dilemma is, I want to get the fuck out of the Midwest and all my shit is waying me down. The question is, can I give it all up? I know I don't have the funds to move it, or not most of it. Maybe some of it? Maybe I'll sell most of it and move the rest in a one-way U-Haul. I don't think I have a dilemma any more. Hm. Thanks for listening!

"Keep it Sacred, Bitch"

hearts, originally uploaded by little michael.

A few years ago, I met an amazing person named Jennie. She's one of those people with the kind of self determination that propels themselves through life and always improves their mind, body, and spirit along the way. When I met her, we were both working for this educational publisher in Evanston, IL. The work was pretty dull, basically data entry, and I knew Jennie as a member of my department but I didn't really "know" her then. I've always been kind of shy when it comes to meeting people for the first time, unless I'm introduced, so I broke the ice with her by playing Tic-Tac-Toe. I created a template on the computer and would e-mail it over to her after each move. That's how our friendship began. Later, we played tennis for a summer, meeting early in the mornings. Then, I lived across the hall from her. She went on to form a rock band and I was putting myself through school. During that period, we didn't see that much of eachother but friends like us remain true. Recently, she moved away to Boston and, in many ways, we are closer now than when she was right next door. I plan to see her and her girlfriend in NYC at the end of the month, and Jennie and I will meet in LA at the end of the year. I don't know if I believe in destiny, but I do know our paths will always cross.

The title of this post: "Keep it Sacred, Bitch" is what our tattoos state when placed next to eachother. It's a great philosophy to live by and I think it's really cool how our friendship reminds us all to keep it sacred, bitch.

"The Oyez Review"

I recently received a call from my former grad studies advisor and we got to talking about the university lit journal I helped to edit and publicize during my last year in the program. The journal is called the Oyez Review and is published annually, usually in either late December or early January. The university usually holds one to two public readings and distributes it throughout the Chicagoland area. They do not currently have a distributor per se, so it is a task the editorial staff (which was me) takes on themselves. Currently, interested people in Chicago can find the journal at: Oyez

1. Both the downtown and Schaumburg Roosevelt U. bookstores
2. Both the Oak Park and Wells locations of Barbara's Bookstores
3. Both the Chicago and Evanston locations of City News
4. Quimby's
5. The Armadillo's Pillow
6. The Heartland Cafe
7. Women and Children First

I also helped publicize the journal at this year's AWP conference, which was held at the Palmer House Hotel. What a fantastic experience for anyone interested or involved in small press publishing. I had the opportunity to see and meet the editors behind many of the lit journals I have read about but hadn't been able to find locally. There were additionally many panels on all things concerning writers, writing programs, and publishing. I would encourage anyone interested to go to future conferences. The AWP also publishes the quarterly magazine The Writer's Chronicle. You can find out more information at their website: AWP

Anyway, the Oyez Review is comprised of fiction, creative nonfiction, poetry, and fine art. The breakdown is roughly 60% fiction, 30% poetry, 5% creative nonfiction, and 5% art. You can check out the latest issue, review former issues, and find out how to order or submit to a future issue at the following link: Oyez Review

Keep writing!

"Friends"

No, not that sappy TV show. Sorry to any fans of the long running sitcom but I was never a fan of it. What I'm thinking about this morning are the genuine article. Over the past couple of weeks, I've had to rely on my own group of friends as I tried to deal with the pain and confusion of an unstable relationship. I've been thinking about how when we first become involved with someone on an intimate level, we tend (of course, this is not an inclusive idea) to pull away from our friends. I believe we (or I) do it as a defensive measure. In the beginning of a relationship it would be too much pressure to have your friends sizing up your potential mate before you've had a chance to do that for yourself. However, if the budding relationship should crumble, I have to say you really understand the importance of your friends and who they truely are as you try to cope with the volatile situation. Anyway, the following prose poem, though the title and content may lead readers to think it is about one thing, it is more importantly about one's friends.

stoned poem

Once we had
had what was waiting behind us. We were like peace babies, stoned all the time. Lisa leaned forward and made lipstick before the smoke, as if there were gaps as they never occurred in life. At least to me, a measly of the stuff and then space. Yeah. We drove because it seemed longer, and I knew I might. I remember looking down as we sauntered oddly a block, then pulled the lipstick case. A hand gesture as if what would be a more interesting world. We were leaving, and returned felt, and had hoped it had been longer. Still, it was. Yeah. Smiles and laughs taking the place of the who we would be. My sight failed before me and she, as if everything had turned in two. Hands against the wall to relieve some, alone, and almost as suddenly the whole nothing. I heard nothing. I became nothing. I laid their faces down and faded as dots clouded, appearing happily stoned. Looking up, a head haloed by the streetlight, and a voice with the feeling that it cared. Giggles, just so. The others were avidly against the wall, sitting next to me, and everyone laughed, thinking. The wall, the ground, the air, up just this much. Yeah. To feel better I looked at my watch. Jim said it was Lisa's. She unwrapped something and said, "What this boy needs is some sugar." So I had
and I really began.

~Michael Staples