Every year on this day, people the world over (or at least those who celebrate Thanksgiving the world over) think about what they are thankful for. For many it is family, while for others it is jobs and security. For me it's my friends. I don't mean the people I see day to day or have an occasional outing with. I also don't mean the ones who gave up when conflict came down the road, those are the worst. I mean the ones who remain your friends because it's important for them to do so. It's a two-way street of course. I work at remaining friends with those who work at keeping our friendship alive too. Although, I do think about the ones who've gone away for whatever their reasons were and there are some that I consciously separated myself from as well. We all have enough stress and conflict in our lives without placing ourselves in caustic relationships just because we had been there already. Bad friendships do offer some comfort but aren't ultimately worth the aggravation. Anyway, I want to talk about the friends that have stayed with me over the years and how important their friendships are to me.
Christina:
I've known Christina longer than anyone else. We originally me in college as freshmen at Columbia. She was a theatre major and I was liberal arts. We've known each other for almost twenty years. She's always been a strong supporter of any of my various endeavors. She's always been there for emotional support. And she has always been completely accepting of my views and personality. It's not to say we don't have our differences. Her world view and mine are very different. Her politics and mine are worlds apart. Really her spiritual beliefs are antithetical to mine. We shouldn't be as good of friends as we are, but that's what lasting friendships are built upon, vast differences. Today, Christina is a single mother of a very bright nine year old. She manages to keep a comfortable home for her and her daughter, keep her child in private school, and avail a little time for herself, while constantly keeping in touch with me. Did I mention we live on opposite ends of the U.S.?
Tamara:
I met Tamara while in a fiction writing class at Columbia. She already held a master's in English Lit but wanted to take a class to help with her personal writing. I was just fulfilling credits toward my Liberal Arts degree. The class was so absurd! There was a separation at Columbia between those who wrote/studied poetry and those who studied all other forms of creative writing. It came from a division in the ranks essentially because the director of the Creative Writing program insisted on their method for achieving results. The faculty who taught poetry and predominantly came from English backgrounds could work within the rather strict confines of the Creative Writing department. We had to sit in a perfect semi-circle. The instructor would not begin until this was achieved. We had to ONLY use descriptive language in the present tense (there is, I see, I want, etc.) and we had to perform these word games meant to infuse creativity but would often fall into sneering criticism if the word given was not considered (what?) "proper" by the instructor. I would offer up words like succubus and malignancy, but was regularly asked to come up with another word. This would cause Tamara and I to fall into hysterics, well giggles anyway. As it happened, Tamara was the only person from the class I stayed in touch with and we've remained friends to this day. We were in that class about fifteen years ago and since then, Tamara has been divorced, received another master's degree, and managed to start a profitable antique jewelry business while teaching English Comp on the side. I relish our conversations which are filled with big life questions, literature, politics, and reams of intimate details and trials within our own lives.
Heather:
Heather and I met while working together at Zambrana's Food Emporium. It was one of those gourmet grocery, bakery, and flowers kind of places that should be still around except for the unscrupulous business practices of its namesake and subsequent owners. Heather is a fantastic, but under recognized visual artist (link to the right) and resides in Germany with her husband Boris. I originally approached Heather because she reminded me of another girl I once knew in college and I'm very glad I did because our friendship has grown ever since. I took my first trip to Europe to visit her in Cologne and she has since sought me out during trips to the states to see her family. Here's a friendship that could easily have gone by the wayside, her on another continent, but once again, we work at keeping it going because it's important.
Ruthann:
Ruthann is a pagan, a witch, a high priestess, and a great friend. I met Ruthann during one of my many breaks from academic study. I was disillusioned with my studies and life in general and I began seeking a more spiritual path than the Christian one I had been raised under. At that time in Chicago, there were quite a few actively open Wiccan groups practicing throughout the Chicago area. There were New Age and occult bookstores, as well as multiple pagan publications. I found Ruthann and her circle, Akasha, in one such zine. After attending a couple of Esbats, I knew I had found what I was looking for and in Ruthann I found another life long friend. Over the years, I fell away from the pagan community and my study of the Craft but Ruthann only grew in her own. She would eventually become associated with the largest online school of witchcraft in the world. Today she works on a smaller scale with more personal goals in mind but has remained a constant presence in my life and helped renew my own interest in Craft studies.
Lisa:
I haven't known Lisa quite as long but value her friendship all the same. Lisa I were neighbors. I lived above her and we would spend many mornings, afternoons, or evenings on the porch drinking coffee or tea and just talking about our lives. I miss having her as a neighbor and the easy camaraderie between the two of us. She was the kind of neighbor I could get a cup of sugar from, not that I ever needed to, but I did borrow albums from her excellent collection. We were both temporarily active in the local CAPS meetings due to nefarious activities going on in the building next to us. We would ride our bikes together (she rides hers as a main form of transport) and go to park festivals. I spent one very enjoyable Thanksgiving with her family. Now that I no longer live in Chicago, we're reduced to occasional emails, but we are both putting in the effort to remain in touch, and sometimes, that's enough.
Yes, all women. I can't begin to explain that fact. Women simply make great friends, I guess. There are others that I'm not as in touch with but value our friendships too like Jamie, Jacque, and Cathie. There are, however, no men. Hm.
