Trying to stay on track

Ever since I left Florida for the sunny coast of California, the transition has been far from smooth. Those of you who follow this blog regularly will remember our difficult trek across the country and the long grueling days in the heart of Darkness (Texas). Once we arrived, we discovered that our idyllic setting though very beautiful was also very cut-off from the surrounding towns except by driving 20 minutes, depending on traffic, either north or south along the coast. While the drive is exceptionally beautiful, imagine cruising along with the Pacific Coast on one side and mountains on the other, whichever way you go; however, at certain times of the day the traffic can be as grueling as any major city at rush hour. Stop and go on the freeway! Also the quaint little town we live in (La Conchita) carries a disturbing energy and a troubled past. I can't quite explain the energy but it's like a blackness that hangs over the neighborhood. La Conchita has experienced two major mudslides and the last one claimed the lives of six people including young children. Also, the city never excavated the bodies! They're buried where the died along with all their belongings. The area also has a colorful past and in some ways present of being known as a haven for illegal drugs. It's the kind of place you can go to disappear. Sometimes I feel like I've disappeared here. I've been having trouble getting things going, finding regular work, getting settled. My recent desire to up and run has been tempered with all of this. Then, while trying to figure out what the Universe wants me to do, my next door neighbor died suddenly in his sleep. He leaves behind a fiance and a step child and children from a previous marriage. His fiance finds herself in a very disturbing situation. He was her main supporter and now she may loose her home and car. She was also recently accepted to medical school but must remain in the area in order to attend. So, she must not only deal with the loss of her future husband but imminent loss of her home, car, and future education. What a mess! With all of this happening, was it any wonder I wanted to return to a place I knew there were opportunities and a way of life I once felt some stability in? Granted, I HATED the very bitterly cold winters, which were a primary reason I left. But, for a while, it seemed like the perfect answer. However, I now realize and understand that cutting and running, unless my life is in danger, is not the answer. Yes, life is very chaotic and uncertain right now, but I'm also with people who genuinely care about me and we are working together (like pioneers) to etch out a life out here. All of us (practically the whole country) is having a hard time right now. And there are many very good things happening for me here. I've recently begun studying Kadampa Buddhism with earnest. We have discovered a wonderful Buddhist Center in Santa Barbara that we get so much spiritual enrichment from and a great Buddhist community, it would be a shame to leave it so soon. Also, the weather and environment here is truly amazing. The liberal attitudes and openness to new thought is prevalent and refreshing after my year's sojourn in Melbourne, FL which can be very repressed. When I stop and remember the journey I'm on and have been on since I left Chicago nearly three years ago, I have to be thankful for where the Universe has brought me. Journeys are never easy. Life isn't easy. I just have to remember to stop, listen, and breathe.

I would ask that those of you who believe in the vital force of positive energy, or those attuned to Reiki, to please send some healing rays my way to help keep me on track.

Peace!