There's something about the Fall that always puts me in a ultra-spiritual state of mind. I'm always in a state of spiritual progression, but this time of year I feel drawn to do more to increase my spiritual karma. As each year progresses, I begin my spiritual odyssey in the Fall and it reaches its zenith in the late winter but during the spring and into the summer, I'm so relieved to receive the sun and its warmth that I become surfaced-centered and the spirit gets neglected. While this may be a natural progression that many other people go through, I want to work on preserving my deep spiritual practices throughout the year, which for me is from Fall to Fall.
Last night, after doing nearly everything I could think to do, and all the while knowing I wasn't doing anything that mattered, I finally gave in and sat for some light meditation. Sadly, I found my meditational muscles to be extremely out of shape. It was uncomfortable to sit in any cross-legged position. I needed to place pillows under my knees to relieve soreness and not to be distracted by their weight. My back ached, right in the middle, and it was difficult to take deep breaths. However, I was determined. Just a year ago, I could easily sit in a half-lotus for nearly an hour! I lit incense and attempted to relax my roving mind which, of course, went into overdrive. "Don't even think of trying to shut me down," it seemed to say. "What about this... what about that... how about this... how about that," it taunted me. So I did what every beginning meditator is taught to do, I returned to my breath, my center. At first, it was almost an exaggerated action. I could hear myself inhale the way you do when a doctor is listening to your lungs. But with each exhale, I felt a little more relaxed and slowly my mind began to quiet. I imagined a white light coming toward me from out in the infinite distance, beyond my third eye, and growing brighter and larger as it neared. Eventually it was as if I had entered the Sun and was completely enveloped in its magnificence. I sat with it for a short time. Yes, it was still a short meditation. Even with all my strives to be exactly where I left off months ago, I still found it difficult to just be. However, no worries and no judgements. Each night, for that's when I feel most ready for meditation, I will continue my practice and strive with all my being to keep it going full throttle throughout the year.
