Gods, this is hard! I'm one of those people who for most of my life have been in a constant state of education. I don't know why I stretched a four year degree into eight years. I'm not sure why I've recently postponed my graduate studies when I'm just two classes and a thesis short of completion. It isn't that I like school all that much and it isn't the loans I owe. I actually paid off all my undergrad loans before I started grad school. Of course, I've spent about the same in two years that I did in eight before. How did that happen?
A friend once called me a Jack of all trades and a Master of none. It wasn't a compliment of any kind. She wasn't trying to be unkind, I know. She was just making me see that in my constant pursuit to field my curiosity that I sometimes take too long to complete a journey I had recently begun. Is that so bad? I think I get distracted because there are so many distractions in this big, bright, and beautiful world. Yes, this world. I know, lately we all have to wonder if the world's brightness and beauty hasn't been snuffed by political turmoil largely brought on by the Bush Administration and the fanatic leanings of certain MiddleEast groups. But the beauty IS still there.
As usual, I'm kind of talking about what I was thinking about when I started this post but I'm somewhat off on a tangent. Okay, so, dating. Yeah, the bane of every single person's existence. I, admittedly, have steered clear of this practice for many a long year. I kept myself closed off to those possibilities believing they would only create an unwanted distraction while I was deeply focused on my education. Oh, of course, I had the ocassional fling, hook up, dinner date, and such. But, it's been a lifetime since I even considered going on a second and third date with the same person. You have to be careful, because then they think you really like them. Well, there I am and I do.
I met this guy Al a few weeks ago. He's a little older than I am and has a really great job. He travels all over the states and the ocassional jaunt to Europe. Bastard (that's just envy talking)! Anyway, it was one of those rare situations when you know from the get go that there's something here, an opportunity, that shouldn't be missed. On our first date, we had great sex and great conversation. I mean we really opened up to eachother. I felt like we made a connection way beyond the physical. The truth is, the sex really took second place to the talk. It was wierd and I wanted more. Since then, we've done dinner a couple of times, rented movies, gone for drives, and had more sex. However, the conversation has been a bit strained at times. Could we have used up all of our deep communication quotient on that first date? Or are we just getting used to having the other around more than just the usual couple of times before it all fizzles. I honestly don't know but I'm going to fight for it. I feel like I have to open myself up to the possibility that this guy could be (I'm not going to say "the one" because I don't believe in anything so final) someone I could either spend the rest of my life with or, at least, the rest of this year.
What's a guy to do? What's anyone to do? It's yet another area of my life where my curiosity has been raised. I'm going to ride it out. Pray to my gods that my heart doesn't get raked across the coals. And believe.
