After fighting it off with some vigor, determination, and brute force, my fourth decade has managed to take me full-force with as little effort as the turning of the clock. However, what I realized immediately is that forty doesn't feel any different from any age prior except for twenty-one. Not even eighteen was all that spectacular, because, at the time, I couldn't yet comprehend the power of the vote or the coming responsibilities of adulthood. Twenty-one, however, ended past years of illegal drinking and false ids. No longer did I wonder whether my brother's id would be accepted as my own. Door persons everywhere couldn't argue the validity of the numbers.
I was born in 1967, The Summer of Love. It was a time of free love and experimentation. Young people were coming out of the repressive fifties through rock and roll, folk ballads, psychedelics, and sex. I was born under the sign of Libra and its [un]balanced scales have influenced my life ever since.
My life has gone through as many changes as the earth has gone through its own seasons. Every time I knew what I wanted to do, something would come along and change my perspective and my flimsy determination would bend with the wind. The truth is, I have always thirst for greater knowledge. I felt cut-off throughout grammar and high school, and it wasn't until my early days of college that my learning really took off. Some people think of me as a writer, some more specifically as a poet, while others see me as a philosopher or thinker (dreamer), and more still as a generally creative person. All those aspects are part of me, but none are the sole (soul) of me. What I'm discovering as I continue my journey through this life is that I've always been drawn toward helping others, even unconsciously. I'm regularly thinking about people I know now and those I'm no longer in touch with. There are people who have moved out of my life (and I from theirs) both on good and very bad terms, but I still think about all of them. I think about the times we talked and listened. I've always had a talent for drawing people out, not for advantage, but through trust. I believe that open communication has a healing effect on those involved, whether between two or more people. Releasing burdens, secrets, lies, and also sharing good experiences too is healing for our spirits (souls, karma, etc.) and acts as a catalyst for positive results in our lives. This talent in me is important but not in and of itself. It's a base for something greater. I'm working on some things to help effect greater healing to others and our world. My desires for personal wealth have significantly dimmed as have my unsatisfying work to acquire material things that I thought would bring me happiness. I'm making less money now than I have since I was twenty-three years old, but my job only gets from me what it needs so that I can focus on where my life is going and work toward its goal.
So how does forty feel? It feels great! But more importantly is what have I learned thus far and what is still to come? I've learned that the real essence of life (the life of life) is how one's life effects others. I've learned that there is not one reason why I am here, but many. I've learned there is not one path to follow, but many. In every instance where there seems to be a cut and dry answer, there is another way. When it is said that everything is connected from the most minute molecule to the farthest reaches of the unknown universe, that is ultimate truth. Each day, my awareness expands a little more (here lies real growth) and I know for sure that I know very little.
